Political Verses

POP-UPS: A Poem by J.Patrick Lewis

2011-05-06T09:04:00.001-04:00

My friend J. Patrick Lewis was kind enough to send me this poem he wrote to share with you on Poetry Friday.

Pop-ups

By J. Patrick Lewis

“The best minds of my generation
are thinking about how to make
people click ads.”
Bloomsburg Business Week

I was reading The Atlantic—
“What's Pedantic? What's Semantic?”—
When the screen began its frantic
     Blinking, and it wouldn’t stop.

Something mindless—Would I like a
Lesson on a balalaika?
Granite, laminate, formica—
     Your Home Depot, where to shop.

So I found myself star-gazing
At New Yorker verse—amazing,
That impenetrable phrasing,
     When it started up again:

Monitor beamed up more folly,
Try a Taco Bell tamale.
In the toolbar, Hello, Dolly
     (Dolly’s a Parisienne).

Potash—wonder cure for cancer.
Morgan Stanley has the answer.
Find your inner belly dancer—
     Click on Rock and Roll, and scroll.

Oh, if only some inventor
Could defeat this shopping center
With a Pop-ups Dare Not Enter
     Virtual Finger Whack-a-Mole.

Guess Where Our Money Goes?: A Song Parody about the Fed Bailout for the Wealthy

2011-04-15T12:54:00.004-04:00

Last week, I wrote a post for Jonathan Turley’s law blog titled FED UP!: A Post about Ben Bernanke, Senator Bernie Sanders, and the Bailout…with a Song Parody. I suggest you read that post and Matt Taibbi’s most recent Rolling Stone article The Real Housewives of Wall Street: Why is the Federal Reserve forking over $220 million in bailout money to the wives of two Morgan Stanley bigwigs? before you read my song parody below.

Guess Where Our Money Goes?

A Song Parody by Elaine Magliaro
To be sung to the tune of That’s Where My Money Goes…to Buy My baby Clothes

Guess where our money goes? Not where you might suppose!

It goes to millionaires with big yachts and grand chateaux.

They’re worth their weight in gold. The rest of us keep getting rolled.

Hey, hey! That’s where our money goes!

Bernanke is in the tank for Goldman Sachs and Citibank,

GE and Verizon, too. They got bailout funds—it’s true.

The Fed gave them lots of dough—tried to keep it a secret though.

Hey, hey! That’s where our money goes!

The rich keep getting more and more! It’s something that we should deplore.

Citizens should know about the money that Ben’s passing out.

Bernanke, it just ain’t fair. Main Street oughta get a share.

Hey, hey! That’s where our money goes!

Roy Zimmerman: To Be a Liberal

2011-04-12T11:29:00.002-04:00

I had never heard of Roy Zimmerman until I came across some of his videos on YouTube just a few days ago. I've added Roy to my list of my Favorite Men in the World.

Here’s Roy performing his song To Be a Liberal. Enjoy!

TLC by TSA at LAX

2011-04-08T14:18:00.001-04:00

Here's a poem that my friend Pat Lewis, an award-winning children's poet, sent me the other day. Pat is generous about sharing his poetry with us bloggers.

TLC by TSA at LAX

By J. Patrick Lewis

His wand wends its way under my arms,

legs and back. At my groin, it suddenly

keens like a crazed buzzard about to eviscerate

a gazelle. The TSA guard, which I’m told

stands for Total Sensitivity Awareness,

suggests, “Remove your belt, sir.”

My belt, love, my criminal cinch

with the TH for Tommy Hilfiger

metal buckle. But even after the belt’s gone,

the wand won’t let up.

Beow, beow, beow, beow.

I’m ordered into a sunglassed chamber,

asked to lower my Fruit-of-the-Looms.

Oh, babe, here’s where it gets good.

You would have been so proud of me

when I showed them just how little

a threat I am to national security.

If only you had been there, darling,

you could have assured them

they needn’t have bothered.

Scott and Dot: A Feminist Nursery Rhyme by J.Patrick Lewis

2011-03-18T09:43:00.000-04:00

Award-winning poet J. Patrick Lewis was kind enough to let me post a “feminist nursery rhyme” that he wrote at Political Verses.

Scott and Dot

by J. Patrick Lewis

Scott and Dot ran up the hill
as fast as they could go.
Dot ran downhill very fast
and Scott ran very slow.

Scott said he was being nice.
He wanted Dot to win
“because she’s just a girl.”
Dot said, “Okay, let’s go again.”

Dot ran up the hill and down,
and said there was no joy
in running twice as fast as Scott
“because he’s just a boy.”

And here’s a parody of a nursery rhyme I wrote. It was included in the poetry anthology My Cat is in Love with the Goldfish and Other Loopy Love Poems:

Jack and June

by Elaine Magliaro

Jack and June went to the moon,
Crash-landed in a crater.
Jack broke his nose and seven toes.
(He’s a crummy navigator.)

Jack cried in pain. June tried in vain
To soothe her injured mate.
She bound his toes and kissed his nose
And asked him for a date.

Jack and June began to swoon…
Fell mad in love and they
Returned to earth, their place of birth…
And wed the very next day.

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-25T10:19:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry that I've neglected this blog for several months. I hope to get back to writing political verses again in 2011. 2010 was a very busy year for me.

Happy Holidyas!

Giles Corey: An Iron Man Who Was a Victim of the Salem Witch Hysteria

2010-10-30T11:50:00.000-04:00

My first guest blogger post is now up over at Jonathan Turley's blog.

Giles Corey: An Iron Man Who Was a Victim of the Salem Witch Hysteria

Some News

2010-10-25T12:05:00.000-04:00

FYI: I've been asked to be a guest blogger on Jonathan Turley's law blog next week.

In his post, Introducing Our New Guest Bloggers, today, Professor Turley wrote the following:

I am happy to report we will be implementing another one of your suggestions for improving the blog. Various people suggested a year ago that we have guest blogging to allow regulars a chance to make entries on the blog. With my upcoming speech in France, I thought it would be a great time to try this out for a week from October 31st to November 6th. I have selected three of our best known and most respected regulars: David Drumm (aka Nal), Elaine Magliaro (aka Elaine M) and Mark Esposito (aka Mespo).

You can read the rest of Professor Turley's post here.

You can read Jonathan Turley's biography here.

Lewis Black on Glenn Beck and His Terrible Affliction

2010-09-01T09:12:00.000-04:00

Glenn Beck has been in the news a lot lately because of his “Restoring Honor” rally that was held last weekend in Washington, D.C. I couldn’t resist posting a video of one of the funniest Back in Black segments that I’ve ever seen on The Daily Show. In the segment, Lewis Black claims that Glenn Beck has Nazi Tourette’s Syndrome.

And here’s a Countdown video in which Keith Olbermann fact checks a tale Glenn Beck told about the Washington Monument at his “Restoring Honor” rally:

A Little Glenn Beck Couplet

The blather of Beck
Is nothing but drek!

Sarah Palin's Geography Song: Fifty Nifty States

2010-07-23T08:24:00.000-04:00

I know I've been neglecting my Political Verses blog in recent months. There have been lots of things going on in my life--including my daughter's recent wedding.

I came upon the following Sarah Palin's Fifty Nifty States video that was a segment on Jimmy Kimmel's show. I thought people might enjoy watching it.

Fifty Nifty States

A Chicken for a Checkup: A Poem about Sue Lowden

2010-04-23T12:06:00.000-04:00

I'm sorry that I've been neglecting my Political Verses blog lately. I've been working on other writing projects. Sometimes...a news story cries out to me--and I can't ignore it. I just get inspired and HAVE to write a verse about it. Such is the story of Sue Lowden who is running against Harry Reid in the Nevada senate race.

Lowden, a former beauty queen, thinks SHE knows how to solve the problem of rising healthcare costs: BARTERING for doctor's services. Some folks call her idea "chickens for checkups." Here's a segment on Lowden from a recent Rachel Maddow Show:

A Chicken for A Checkup: A Poem about Sue Lowden
by Elaine Magliaro

“Drat!”said the doctor.
“Drat!”said the nurse.
“Our healthcare problems keep getting worse!”

“Oy!” said the doctor.
“Oy!” said the nurse.
“Here comes that lady with a chicken in her purse!”

“A chicken for a checkup?
Sue’s a nincompoop!
Does she REALLY think that I'm C. Everett Coop???”

More on Sue Lowden and Chickens for Checkups

From Daily Kos
Lowden: Let them Barter with Chickens, or Let them Eat Cake?
by mcjoan (April 23, 2010)

Does Sue Lowden really think that a system of barter can really replace the complex healthcare fee system in the U.S.? That doctors who accept chickens or house painting as a form of payment can pay their office staff, or their rent, or their utilities, or for the medical equipment they need through bartering with vendors? We don't know, because she hasn't been asked that. But chances are, she really doesn't have a particular depth of knowledge in how the healthcare system works and what the deep-seated problems within it are if she can glibly offer up bartering as a remedy.

Read the rest of the article here:
http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2010/4/22/859713/-Lowden:-Let-them-Barter-with-Chickens,-or-Let-them-Eat-Cake

From Huffington Post
Chickens For Checkups? Democrats' New Website Mocks Sue Lowden For Barter-For-Health-Care Proposal (4/21/2010)

Sue Lowden, a Republican candidate challenging Majority Leader Harry Reid for his Nevada Senate seat is refusing to back down from an earlier suggestion that America consider a medical barter system as an alternative to current health care solutions.

On Monday Lowden took the idea one step further.

"Before we all started having health care, in the olden days, our grandparents, they would bring a chicken to the doctor," Lowden told a local news station. "They would say I'll paint your house."

Now, the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee has launched a new website to ridicule Lowden for her support of the bartering proposal.

The website, Chickens for Checkups, calls Lowden's health care barter system "an old-timey solution for a modern problem," and says that such a program would ask Americans to "barter with their doctors for health care with things like chickens and house painting," items she referenced on a local news program.

Read the rest of the article here:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/21/chickens-for-checkups-dem_n_546762.html

Visit Chickens for Checkups.

Bring a Chicken to the Doctor

Chicken Song & Dance

Epitaph for John Edwards by J. Patrick Lewis

2010-03-07T11:17:00.000-05:00

J. Patrick Lewis is a master of writing light verse for both children and adults. I am always happy to post a "political" verse he sends along to me. Here's one he sent the other day:

Epitaph for John Edwards
(when the time comes)

But everyone kept telling me
to get Rielle!

If you like that verse--you're sure to enjoy J. Patrick Lewis's book Once Upon a Tomb: Gravely Humorous Verses (Candlewick, 2006). The large-format book includes "delightfully deadpan" color illustrations by Simon Bartram--which complement the sly humor in Lewis's text.

The "gravely humorous verses" tell about the demise of a number of individuals who

earned their living in different lines of work/professions--including beautician, philosopher, soccer player, gravedigger, movie star, tattoo artist, and poet.

One of my favorite poems in the book is School Teacher:

Knives can harm you, heaven forbid!

Axes may disarm you kid.

Guillotines are painful, but

There's nothing like a paper cut.

Click here to view a double-page spread in Once Upon a Tomb.

Two Rhyming Verses for Creationists

2010-02-26T09:54:00.000-05:00

From The Texas Tribune (2/17/2010)
Meet the Flintstones
by Ross Ramsey

Nearly a third of Texans believe humans and dinosaurs roamed the earth at the same time, and more than half disagree with the theory that humans developed from earlier species of animals, according to the University of Texas/Texas Tribune Poll.

The differences in beliefs about evolution and the length of time that living things have existed on earth are reflected in the political and religious preference of our respondents, who were asked four questions about biological history and God:

• 38 percent said human beings developed over millions of years with God guiding the process and another 12 percent said that development happened without God having any part of the process. Another 38 percent agreed with the statement "God created human beings pretty much in their present form about 10,000 years ago."

• Asked about the origin and development of life on earth without injecting humans into the discussion, and 53 percent said it evolved over time, "with a guiding hand from God." They were joined by 15 percent who agreed on the evolution part, but "with no guidance from God." About a fifth — 22 percent — said life has existed in its present form since the beginning of time.

You can read the rest of the article at the following link:

http://www.texastribune.org/stories/2010/feb/17/meet-flintstones/

********************

A Creation Quatrain

On the seventh day God said: "I did my best.
Now I'm going to take a rest!
I labored hard for six long days.
Now write me a hymn of thanks and praise."

A Rah Rah Rhyme for Creationist Cheerleaders

Evolution? Nay! Nay! Nay!
Creationism? Yay! Yay! Yay!
Genesis tells us all we need to know.
Our world was created six thousand years ago.
Darwin got his science facts mangled and twisted.
Humans and dinosaurs co-existed!

Look at the Man: A Poem Explaining Why Women with Mates Gain Weight

2010-02-09T15:43:00.000-05:00

Study Says Women With Mates Get Heavier
By Nicholas Bakalar
New York Times (January 4, 2010)

It is widely known that women tend to gain weight after giving birth, but now a large study has found evidence that even among childless women, those who live with a mate put on more pounds than those who live without one.

The differences, the scientists found, were stark.

After adjusting for other variables, the 10-year weight gain for an average 140-pound woman was 20 pounds if she had a baby and a partner, 15 if she had a partner but no baby, and only 11 pounds if she was childless with no partner. The number of women with a baby but no partner was too small to draw statistically significant conclusions.

There is no reason to believe that having a partner causes metabolic changes, so the weight gain among childless women with partners was almost surely caused by altered behavior. Moreover, there was a steady weight gain among all women over the 10 years of the study.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/05/health/05weight.html

********************

Here's a poem I wrote after reading this article:

Look at the Man: A Poem Explaining Why Women with Mates Gain Weight

Once upon a time he was a prince.
Now every time I look at him I wince.
That dashing fellow who once caught my fancy
Now sports big boobies like my old Aunt Nancy.
As I dream of wedded bliss…a life diviner--
He croaks out to me from his worn recliner,
“Honey, do me a favor—be a dear—
Would you go and fetch me another ice cold beer?
And while you’re at it, get a bag of chips!”
Those are the loving words that pass through his wan lips.
He never buys me flowers, takes me dancing.
My mate’s not into sweet talk and romancing.
He’s always in a couch potato mode—
That prince I married turned into a toad.

Who Dat Hangin' at da Laundromat?

2010-02-05T11:03:00.000-05:00

From Jonathan Turley’s blog: Flasher Identified By His Pronounced . . . Tooth (2/5/2010)

In what may be something of a disappointment for Ian Rushing, 27, women identified the Oregon man as the alleged “St. Helens Flasher” by his pronounced bad tooth.

Rushing is accused of grabbing women and exposing himself at the Cascade Cleaners in St. Helens. He also won the coveted award for “The Mugshot Most Likely To Be A Flasher.”

He is charged with public indecency, 3rd-degree sexual abuse and violating his probation.

You’ll find links to articles with more information here.

********************

The story about the “St. Helens Flasher” inspired me to write the following Who Dat? verse for two voices:

Who Dat Hangin' at da Laundromat

Who dat hangin’ at da laundromat?
WHO dat? WHO dat?
Who dat rotten-toothed creepy cat?
WHO dat? WHO dat?

DAT man? DAT man?
Dat’s a pervert with no dental plan.
Dat’s da flasher with the silver van!
Dat man’s going to da county can.

How to Report the News: A Satirical Video by Charlie Brooker

2010-01-31T15:05:00.000-05:00

I know I haven't been posting many new verses in the past couple of months. I've had a case of writer's block lately.

Here's a funny video I came across today. It was made by Charlie Brooker. Brooker is a British journalist and comic. He is known in England for his satire.

Charlie Brooker—How to Report the News

You can find out about Charlie Brooker here.

One Law Professor's Perspective on the Recent Supreme Court Ruling on Corporate Campaign Spending

2010-01-23T18:44:00.000-05:00

Jamin Raskin on Democracy Now (1/22/2010)
(Note: Jamin Raskin is a Professor of Law and the Director of the Law and Government Program at American University’s Washington College of Law)

In Landmark Campaign Finance Ruling, Supreme Court Removes Limits on Corporate Campaign Spending

Senator Centerfold

2010-01-19T16:36:00.000-05:00

One thing I NEVER want to behold:

Senator Scott Centerfold!

Craig Ferguson on Haiti & Rush Limbaugh

2010-01-15T11:12:00.000-05:00

I think Craig Ferguson is the funniest fellow on television. He cracks me up. That's why I like him so much. He's on the list of My Favorite Men in the World.

Here's another reason why I like Ferguson, who is a naturalized US citizen, so much:

2009: The Year in Review

2009-12-28T13:11:00.000-05:00

JibJab's Year in Review: 2009

Happy New Year!!!

A Little John Lennon: So This Is Christmas

2009-12-25T11:02:00.000-05:00

So This Is Christmas (War Is Over)

Healthcare Joe: A Clerihew about Joe Lieberman

2009-12-19T12:01:00.000-05:00

Lieberman Socks (MoveOn.org)

Healthcare Joe

As for Lieberman, Joe?
That guy’s GOTTA go!
I need health insurance quick
Cuz Joe is making ME sick.

Poet Julie Larios has clerihews about Senators Joe Lieberman and Al Franken at her blog The Drift Record. Click here to read them.

From Headzup: Joe Lieberman Sees No Reason for Health Care Reform

From Headzup: Obama Quits, Cedes Presidency to Joe Lieberman

Stand for Christmas: A Song Parody & a Poem

2009-12-17T08:58:00.000-05:00

The Naughty List: Christians Organize Blacklist of Businesses Failing To Wish Customers “Merry Christmas” (From Jonathan Turley’s blog, 12/8/2008)

Excerpt:

Christians are now organizing a boycott against businesses that fail to wish everyone “Merry Christmas” or use that offensive greeting “Happy Holidays.” Stores are being monitored and blacklisted for just wishing everyone “Happy Holidays” instead of referencing Christmas specifically.

The site www.standforchristmas.com is listing businesses on whether they are naughty or nice on using Christmas in greetings.

The group listed companies by whether they are “friendly,” “negligent,” or “offensive” in the use of such terms as Happy Holidays or Season’s Greetings instead of Merry Christmas.

Click here to read the rest of Turley’s post.

************

Inspired by the story, I wrote a song parody of Santa Claus Is Coming to Town:

Stand for Christmas is Coming to Town

You better watch out,
You better not cry
“Happy Holidays”
In your store. Here’s why:
Stand for Christmas
Is coming to town.

They’re making a blacklist,
Checking it twice,
Gonna find out who’s naughty or nice.
Stand for Christmas
Is coming to town.

They’ll see you when they’re shopping.
They’ll check you out online.
If you're saying Merry Christmas,
They'll rate your store just fine.

You better watch out,
You better not cry
Happy Holidays
In your store. Here’s why:
Stand for Christmas
Is coming to town.

Here’s another poem I wrote. It isn’t meant to be disrespectful. It’s meant to speak to the commercialization of Christmas…and to the folks who waste countless hours monitoring and rating stores in regard to their “Christmas” spirit.

Now Mary buys at Wal-Mart…
Joseph at J. C. Penney.
The Child is just a little babe—
He doesn’t shop at any.

The Magi frequent Target.
The shepherds like Lands’ End.
Thank heavens Stand for Christmas
Has some stores to recommend.

Christian Group Launches New Attack on Christmas Commercialism (Time)
By Amy Sullivan/Washington – Tue Dec 15, 3:10 am ET

If it's December, then there must be frost in the air, gingerbread in the oven, and ... right on time, Bill O'Reilly and the other defenders of Christmas bemoaning the prevalence of "Happy Holidays" - rather than "Merry Christmas" - greetings.

There's a war on Christmas, O'Reilly recently reminded viewers, driven by those who "loathe the baby Jesus." This season, a holiday-dÉcor company is marketing the CHRIST-mas Tree, a bushy artificial tree with a giant cross where the trunk should be. And the Colorado-based Focus on the Family is continuing its Stand for Christmas campaign to highlight the offenses of Christmas-denying retailers. The campaign was launched, according to its website, because "citizens across the nation were growing dissatisfied with the tendency of corporations to omit references to Christmas from holiday promotions." (See TIME's photoessay "Have a Very Ridiculous Christmas.")

But to a growing group of Christians, this focus on the commercial aspect of Christmas is itself the greatest threat to one of Christianity's holiest days. "It's the shopping, the going into debt, the worrying that if I don't spend enough money, someone will think I don't love them," says Portland pastor Rick McKinley. "Christians get all bent out of shape over the fact that someone didn't say 'Merry Christmas' when I walked into the store. But why are we expecting the store to tell our story? That's just ridiculous."

Merry Christmas!

Happy New Year!

Happy Holidays!

A Very Cheney Christmas

2009-12-14T10:22:00.000-05:00

A Holiday Video from Headzup

A Clerihew about Max Baucus

2009-12-05T12:37:00.000-05:00

Senator Max Baucus Admits That He Had Affair with Former Staffer When He Nominated Her For U.S. Attorney Position (Jonathan Turley blog, 12/5/2009)

“Senate Finance Committee Chairman Max Baucus has admitted that he was romantically involved with a former staffer when he recommended her earlier this year to become the next U.S. attorney for Montana. Baucus only recently separated from his second wife, Ty Matsdorf, and had a romantic relationship with his former staffer Melodee Hanes starting in the summer of 2008. He nominated her for the appointment in March but they later agreed to withdraw the nomination when they moved into the same house.”

You can read the rest of the post here.

Inspired by the Baucus story—I wrote the following:

A Clerihew about Max Baucus

Senator Max Baucus
Of the “slap and tickle” caucus
Considered Melodee Hanes
To be one of his Capitol gains.

Who's the Turkey?: A Poem about Sarah Palin

2009-11-26T22:39:00.000-05:00

Sarah Palin Turkey Farm Interview

Who’s the Turkey?

Gobble, gobble, gobble,
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Who IS that talking turkey?
It’s the GOP’s new stah!

She blathers with a perky smile.
You betcha. Doncha know
That we should be like Sarah?
Rogue’s the ONLY way to go.

Headzup: Sarah Palin Explains the Turkey Interview

Happy Thanksgiving from Erik Prince & Blackwater

2009-11-25T16:31:00.000-05:00

Some of you may find the following article that Jeremy Scahill wrote for The Nation interesting: Blackwater’s Secret War in Pakistan (November 23, 2009).

At a covert forward operating base run by the US Joint Special Operations Command (JSOC) in the Pakistani port city of Karachi, members of an elite division of Blackwater are at the center of a secret program in which they plan targeted assassinations of suspected Taliban and Al Qaeda operatives, "snatch and grabs" of high-value targets and other sensitive action inside and outside Pakistan, an investigation by The Nation has found. The Blackwater operatives also assist in gathering intelligence and help direct a secret US military drone bombing campaign that runs parallel to the well-documented CIA predator strikes, according to a well-placed source within the US military intelligence apparatus.

The source, who has worked on covert US military programs for years, including in Afghanistan and Pakistan, has direct knowledge of Blackwater's involvement. He spoke to The Nation on condition of anonymity because the program is classified. The source said that the program is so "compartmentalized" that senior figures within the Obama administration and the US military chain of command may not be aware of its existence.

You can read the rest of the article here.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

The Teabagger Tea Party Post

2009-11-17T22:45:00.000-05:00

From ThinkProgress (11/17/2009)
‘Teabagger’ was an Oxford Word of the Year finalist.
In February, when conservatives began protesting against President Obama with tea parties, the Washington Independent’s Dave Weigel photographed a protester carrying a sign that declared, “tea bag the liberal Dems before they tea bag you!!” Soon after, the term “tea bagger” became a ubiquitous and often derogatory handle for right-wing protesters. Now, Mediaite reports that the term “teabagger” was a finalist in consideration to be the New Oxford American Dictionary’s Word of the Year:

You can read the rest of the post here.

Tea Party Video with Benny Hill Theme

Ode to a Teabagger
by Atticus
(From a Democratic Underground Discussion Board, August 11, 2009)

Saliva dripping off your chin
Bulging eyes, maniacal grin
Handwritten misspelled sign in hand
Egged on by Rush, you “take a stand”.

As cameras roll, you scream and chant
Your sound-bite so the speaker can’t
Be heard at all. Your job is done
Didn’t even have to pull a gun.

You can read the rest of the poem here.

Here’s a link to a poem I wrote on the subject of teabagging last April: Teatime for Sean Hannity: A Double Dactyl

Making the Grade

2009-11-13T02:47:00.000-05:00

From Jonathan Turley’s blog (11/12/2009): Alma Market: North Carolina School Ordered to Stop Selling Grades as Fundraiser

Educators at the Rosewood Middle School had struggled with raising money. Candy and other traditional items did not generate much money for the Goldsboro, North Carolina school. Then they found a commodity that the public was hankering for: they started to sell grades. Until, that is, a bunch of do gooders stepped in and objected.

You can read the rest of the post here.

From newsobserver.com (11/12/2009): District nixes cash-for-grades fundraiser

I found this story hard to believe. Still, it inspired me to write the following little poem:

Making the Grade

Hip hip hooray!
I got an A
On my science test today.

In history
I got a B—
Thanks to Mom and Dad. You see…

I made the grade
Because they paid.
I love their new financial aid!

A Dead Rabbit Toss Competition Poem

2009-11-12T10:41:00.000-05:00

New Zealand Cancels Dead Rabbit Toss Competition

From Jonathan Turley’s blog (11/10/2009)

It appears that you have missed your chance to participate in the annual Dead Rabbit Throw competition in New Zealand. Animal welfare activists seem to have found it somehow distasteful to have families try to throw dead rabbits the farthest.

The annual “Rabbit Throw” was held in the town of Waiau but was cancelled after a concerted campaign by the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA). Organiser Jo Moriarty claims banning the bunny contest is “political correctness gone mad”.

You can read the rest of the article here.

Here's the poem I was inpsired to write about the bunny tossing competition:

Rabbits here,
Rabbits there,
Rabbits sailing through the air.

Projectile bunnies
Tossed for sport—
That’s entertainment of ANOTHER sort.

Grab a leg
Or grab an ear
And fling a bunny outta here.

Join us in
A fine tradition:
The dead hare tossing competition.

Driving Drunk: A Short Poem about Mary Strey

2009-11-10T12:04:00.000-05:00

Drunk Driver Mary Strey

(MYFOX NATIONAL, 11/02/2009) - A Wisconsin woman called 911 to report a drunk driver. It turned out that she identified the driver as herself.

According to the released 911 tape, Mary Strey of Granton, Wisc., called the emergency number on Oct. 24 at about 11:20 p.m. and reported "Somebody's really drunk driving down Granton Road."

The dispatcher tried to determine which way the reported driver was headed and asked Strey "Okay are you behind them, or..."
Strey responded, "No, I am them."
The dispatcher verified, "You am them?"
"Yes, I am them," replied Strey.
"Okay, so you want to call and report that you're driving drunk?" confirmed the dispatcher.
"Yes," Strey answered.

You can read the rest of the article here.

Here's a little poem that I wrote about Mary "I Am Them" Strey:

This is Ms. Mary Strey
And I’m calling to say
That I’m out on the road driving drunk today.

I’m not sure what I’ve done
So I called 911.
Could you get in a cruiser and fetch me, my son?

HOT DOG!: A Turley Blawg Verse

2009-11-03T10:07:00.000-05:00

Here’s a link to another post at Professor Jonathan Turley’s blog that inspired me to write a poem:

Nothing to Relish: Massachusetts Man Gets 18 Months for Stealing Hot Dog (September 29, 2009)

Antonio Judd really really wanted a hot dog. He grabbed a dog from a person on the street in Worcester and will now pay his debt to society with eighteen months in jail.

Judd has a prior record of assault and was found with a pellet gun — but the hot dog was long gone. The forensic “splatter” evidence included mustard spilled on the shirt of the victim.

You can read the rest of the post here.

HOT DOG!
by Elaine Magliaro

Yellow mustard, ketchup, and relish—
The condiments we add to embellish
A naked frank…to enhance its flavor
Before we take a bite and savor
A luscious link in a toasted bun.
BUT
Don’t filch a frank when armed with a gun—
And eat it sloppily on the run.
Don’t be a gluttonous simpleton.
Don’t let that yellow mustard splatter.
Stealing dogs is a serious matter!
Before you grab that tasty wurst
Make sure you have a napkin first.
THEN
Tuck it under your chin and eat
And try to avoid the cop on the beat.

Paean to a Bovine Beauty

2009-10-29T11:00:00.000-04:00

From Jonathan Turley’s blog (September 24, 2009):
In Defense of Man-Cow Relations: New Jersey Judge Drops Charges Against Police Officer for Having Sex with Cows On the Grounds That They May Have Enjoyed It

Some true stories are just so bizarre that they inspire me to write poetry.

Paean to a Bovine Beauty

I’m in love, I’m in love
With a creature divine…
A ruminant fair.
How I wish she were mine.
She’s a sweet, lowing voice.
She’s got limpid brown eyes.
She swishes her sleek tail
At hovering flies.
She’s a beauteous bovine,
A cow of great charm.
I’ve been trying to court her
Out here on the farm.

Better Duck...It's Dick: A Poem about Dick Cheney's Hunting Prowess

2009-10-21T23:52:00.000-04:00

Here are two of my original poems about a Great Moment in Vice Presidential History.

I wrote Better Duck…It’s Dick for Tricia’s Monday Poetry Stretch - Double Dactyl this week.

Do you remember this?
Cheney accidentally shoots fellow hunter: Texas lawyer struck in face, chest with birdshot
From Dana Bash (CNN, 2/13/06)
Click here to read the article.

Better Duck…It’s Dick: A Double Dactyl about Dick Cheney's Hunting Prowess

Eevilly weevily
Richard (Dick) Cheney
Former Vice Prez
And political louse,

Took his pal Harry
Out hunting for wildfowl,
But shot at his good friend
Instead of the grouse.

(Note: I know that Dick and Harry were shooting at quail—but I like the louse/grouse rhyming word pair. Just a little poetic license.)

Here’s another Dick Cheney hunting poem that I posted previously at Political Verses.

A Hunting He Will Go

Who’s hunting here? I think I know.
That’s why I’m certain I must go.
Don’t want to get shot by mistake
Because he thinks that I’m a doe.

I hear his voice. He’s coming near.
Oh, Lord! I know I’ve much to fear.
I best be sprightly on my feet
And get the HELL out of here!

His rifle’s raised; he’s taking aim.
“I’m a human being!” I exclaim.
“Hey! Can’t you see I’m not a deer?”
(Guess he’s decided I’m fair game.)

Forsooth! Alas! He walks my way.
I guess this ain’t my lucky day.
I do not want to be his prey.
I do not want to be his prey.

Click here to view some funny gun/ hunting-themed pictures of Dick Cheney.

A Poem about the Conservative Bible Project

2009-10-20T13:10:00.000-04:00

From the New York Daily News (10/06/09): Conservapedia.com's Conservative Bible Project aims to deliberalize the bible

Forget attacking liberal bias in Hollywood or in the media. One group says it's the Bible that's gotten too progressive.

The Conservative Bible Project is leading the charge to deliberalize the Bible by using a Wikipedia-like Web site to correct what it calls "errors in conveying biblical meaning."

Those errors are a "lack of precision in the original language, such as terms underdeveloped to convey new concepts introduced by Christ," "lack of precision in modern language" and "translation bias in converting the original language to the modern one."

On its Web site - which is emblazoned with an Old Glory logo above the words "The Trustworthy Encyclopedia" - the group is seeking to create a fully conservative translation of the Bible that follows 10 commandments, er, guidelines.

A Poem about the Conservative Bible Project
by Elaine Magliaro

The Bible’s way too liberal—
And nothing could be worse.
Let’s go rewrite the holy book—
Each chapter, line and verse.

We’ll tell the stories “our way”—
Toss out the liberal bias—
The way the good Lord wants us to.
The devil can’t deny us.

We’ll include free market parables,
Excise the stuff we hate,
Avoid gender inclusive language
That can emasculate

The Great Book that we live by.
We’ll write the stories “right”—
Translate them “fundamentally”
To conservatives’ delight.

***************

From Conservapedia: As of 2009, there is no fully conservative translation of the Bible which satisfies the following ten guidelines:[2]

1. Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias

2. Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity

3. Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level[3]

4. Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms: using powerful new conservative terms as they develop;[4] defective translations use the word "comrade" three times as often as "volunteer"; similarly, updating words which have a change in meaning, such as "word", "peace", and "miracle".

5. Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction by using modern terms for it, such as "gamble" rather than "cast lots";[5] using modern political terms, such as "register" rather than "enroll" for the census

6. Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil.

7. Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning

8. Exclude Later-Inserted Liberal Passages: excluding the later-inserted liberal passages that are not authentic, such as the adulteress story

9. Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness, often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels

10. Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities; prefer concise, consistent use of the word "Lord" rather than "Jehovah" or "Yahweh" or "Lord God."

A Double Dactyl by Julie Larios

2009-10-16T02:20:00.000-04:00

The other day I was inspired to write God, the Goalpost, and Gimme Scriptures: A Double Dactyl after reading Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the Goal Post of Life: School Board to Meet on Christian Cheerleader Controversy, a post at the blog of Professor Jonathan Turley, a nationally recognized legal scholar who teaches at George Washington University.

Julie Larios, an award-winning poet, read my poem and decided to write her own double dactyl on the same subject. She left her poem in the comments. Julie gave me permission to post it at Political Verses. Thanks, Julie! It’s a clever double dactyl.

NOTE: In order to truly appreciate Julie’s poem, you should read the post at Professor Turley’s blog.

A Double Dactyl
by Julie Larios

Jiggery Pokery,
Warriors are winners!
Boo the Beatitudes,
losers are lame.

Even if we play most
Fort-Oglethorpishly,
God's on our side, kids,
so He'll throw the game.

God, the Goalpost, and Gimme Scriptures: A Double Dactyl

2009-10-12T22:38:00.000-04:00

I’m a big fan of Law Professor Jonathan Turley’s blog. Turley posts some very interesting stories. Some of the stories even inspire me to write poetry. After reading the following post at his blog, I wrote a double dactyl—which you’ll find at the bottom of this post.

From Jonathan Turley’s Blog (October 12, 2009): Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the Goal Post of Life: School Board to Meet on Christian Cheerleader Controversy:

This week, the Catoosa County School Board in Ringgold, Georgia will meet on a controversy over the cheerleaders of Georgia’s Lakeview-Fort Oglethorpe High School who use Biblical verses as part of their displays to root for the football team to “commit to the Lord” and “take courage and do it.”

You can read the rest of the post here.

Here’s more on the story from AOL News: Bible Banned From School Football Field. (It includes a video of townspeople angered by the Bible banning decision.)

God, the Goalpost, and Gimme Scriptures:
A Double Dactyl for the Folks at Lakeview-Fort Oglethorpe High School
by Elaine Magliaro

Higgledy piggledy
Biblical verses
Help us to cheer on
Our team in a game.

God’s “up there” watching
Our fullbacks and tackles.
So if we’re defeated,
The Big Guy’s to blame.

GOING ROGUE: A Poem about Sarah Palin & Her Book

2009-09-30T12:34:00.000-04:00

Sarah Palin's Memoir, 'Going Rogue,' to Hit Bookshelves Early (ABC News)

Palin's title: 'Going Rogue' (Politico)

‘Going Rogue’ (Laugh Lines Blog-New York Times)

Why Would Anyone Call Their Book "Going Rogue"? Answer Below. (Huffington Post)

Sarah Palin has been a great source of poetic inspiration for me. Here's a brand new Palinoem for you:

Going Rogue: A Poem about Sarah Palin & Her Book
by Elaine Magliaro

The queen of mavericks
Wrote a book.
She thinks her title’s
Quite a hook.

It’s clear to me
That “going rogue”—
To Sarah P.—
Is still in vogue.

She wrote a memoir.
What amazes:
The book has
Lots and lots of pages!

More than 400…
So they say.
I wonder:
Is her co-author
Tina Fey?

Onward to a Teacher's Life: A Poem Written in the Style of Peggy Noonan

2009-09-28T13:57:00.000-04:00

You may want to read this Political Verses post, Sarah Palin: A Farewell Speech and Poem, before reading the rest of this post.

I think Sarah Palin may have poetic competition. She’s not the only conservative with a lyrical sensibility when it comes to written language. Peggy Noonan could certainly give the ex-governor of Alaska a run for her money in the “prose to poetry” category. Poor scribe that I am, I can’t turn a phrase or manipulate words with the delicate finesse that Noonan, a former speechwriter for the late President Reagan can.

Ms. Noonan is going to be leading a study group at Harvard University’s Institute for Politics this fall—CREATIVITY IN JOURNALISM, IN POLITICS AND IN LIFE: A Writer's Perspective.

When reading Noonan’s description of Session One of her study group, I realized the woman was truly a poet at heart. I broke up her prose paragraph into shorter lines—and VOILA!!!—found a free verse poem to read and savor.

Session One:
Introduction: An Overview:
Onward to a Writer’s Life
by Peggy Noonan

Who I am.
Where I am from.
What I have done.
My career.
Being a speechwriter for Ronald Reagan;
being young at CBS News
when it too was young,
and the Tiffany Network,
and carried itself like the greatest army in the world,
with spirit and elan and pride,
and not a small amount of conceit.
Being young
and suddenly a colleague of Walter Cronkite
“the most trusted man in America”;
writing a daily commentary show for Walter’s successor
as anchor of the Evening News,
Dan Rather.
Being taught to write by the men
who were taught to write for radio
by a gentleman named Ed Murrow,
the inventor of broadcast news.

Oh, if only I could pen poetry as lyrical as Peggy’s! The great speechwriter/political pundit inspired me to attempt my own free verse poem, Onward to a Teacher’s Life.

Onward to a Teacher’s Life
by Elaine Magliaro
(In the style of Peggy Noonan)

Who am I?
Where am I from?
What have I done?
Questions I ask myself.
My career.
Being an educator;
writing lesson plans,
writing letters home to parents,
writing on the blackboard.
Being an elementary grade teacher
when I was young,
when my students were much younger than I
and ran around the schoolyard at recess
like a herd of wild mustangs,
their nostrils flaring,
their sneakered hoofs kicking up dust.
Being young
and suddenly a colleague of older teachers
who watched Walter Cronkite,
“the most trusted man in America,”
on the Evening News.
Being taught to teach by older teachers
who had been taught to teach
by even older teachers,
who had read of Plato,
an old Greek philosopher and teacher,
who had lived long before
the invention of broadcast news.

For Your Further Reading & Pleasure
Peggy Noonan Goes To Harvard, The Haiku (Mediaite, 9/25/09)
Enjoy This Dramatic Reading Of Peggy Noonan's Harvard Study Group Syllabus (Huffington Post, 9/25/09)
Harvard Students: Stop Whatever You're Doing and Register for Peggy Noonan's Class, NOW (Gawker, 9/24/09)

BOOK TALK: A Poem for Banned Books Week 2009

2009-09-27T10:28:00.000-04:00

Here is a revised version of a poem that I wrote in 2007 when there was a big kerfuffle going on over The Higher Power of Lucky, the children's novel that had won the Newbery Medal. You see, Susan Patron, the author, used the word "scrotum" in her book. I'm posting the revised poem for Banned Books Week 2009 (September 26th-October 3rd). BTW, I’ve left off the final couplet that was included in the original poem: Who’s got a solution antidotal/For the current row o’er something scrotal?.

Book Talk
by Elaine Magliaro

Dressed in uniforms of blue,
The word police arrived at two.
With laser eyes, they scanned our pages
And locked our naughty words in cages.
Then up we cried: “You’ve taken text!
Will you remove our pictures next?”

“Your pictures?” one policeman said.
“We only take the stuff that’s read.
Your naughty words must be excised.
Let all your authors be advised
To watch their words when they compose
Their poetry…and all their prose.”

Warning given…the men in blue
Then turned to leave. They bid adieu.
We books now left with words deleted
Feel somehow, sadly, incompleted.

NOTE: I have a list of links for Banned Books Week 2009 over at my other blog, Wild Rose Reader.

Dirty Dancing with the Stars: A Poem about Tom DeLay

2009-09-24T11:16:00.000-04:00

Tom Delay on Dancing with the Stars

Jack Cafferty: When DeLay Goes To Prison They Can Show His Dancing Video To The Inmates (VIDEO)

'Crazier than Sarah Palin' Tom DeLay in precarious position on 'Dancing With the Stars'
by Elliott Olshansky Tuesday, September 22nd 2009, 4:00 AM

DeLay proves he’s no wild thing on ‘Dancing’ By Linda Holmes, msnbc.com contributor

Dirty Dancing with the Stars: A Poem about Tom DeLay
by Elaine Magliaro

He’s a “Wild Thing” that’s for sure!
Watch him dance across the floor.
“The Hammer” shakes his aging booty
While cha-cha-ing with a dark-haired beauty.

Wearing a sequined vest, silk blouse…
Dressed all in brown, this slick-haired louse
Looks like a feral chocolate bunny.
It’d sure be sad if it weren’t so funny!

Still a "Wild Thing" at his age,
Tom should be locked up in a cage…
And not out dancing with the stars—
But stuck behind some iron bars!

Creationists Work to Keep a Movie about Darwin from Being Screened in the US

2009-09-13T19:03:00.000-04:00

First, some people do their best to censor books in school and public libraries—and now they’re working to keep Creation, a movie about Darwin, from being screened in the United States.

I’m a reader of Jonathan Turley’s blog. Turley is a professor of law at George Washington University and a constitutional scholar. I found the following post on his blog today—Movie Selection of the Fittest: Creationists Block Internationally Acclaimed Movie on Darwin From Being Shown in U.S.

Turley writes in his post: The film has been the target of creationists, who remind distributors that only 39 percent of Americans believe in evolution. Jeremy Thomas, the producer of Creation, notes “[t]he film has no distributor in America. It has got a deal everywhere else in the world but in the US, and it’s because of what the film is about. People have been saying this is the best film they’ve seen all year, yet nobody in the US has picked it up.”

You can read the rest of Turley’s post here.

CREATION: Darwin Movie Trailer

And from Telegraph.CO.UK, 11 Sept. 2009:
Charles Darwin film 'too controversial for religious America'

A British film about Charles Darwin has failed to find a US distributor because his theory of evolution is too controversial for American audiences, according to its producer.

Creation, starring Paul Bettany, details Darwin's "struggle between faith and reason" as he wrote On The Origin of Species. It depicts him as a man who loses faith in God following the death of his beloved 10-year-old daughter, Annie.

The film was chosen to open the Toronto Film Festival and has its British premiere on Sunday. It has been sold in almost every territory around the world, from Australia to Scandinavia.
However, US distributors have resolutely passed on a film which will prove hugely divisive in a country where, according to a Gallup poll conducted in February, only 39 per cent of Americans believe in the theory of evolution.

I find all this extremely troubling! How about you?

MARIA: A Song Parody about Maria Bartiromo

2009-09-03T11:01:00.000-04:00

I don’t know how many of you saw Mara Bartiromo—aka the “Money Honey” of CNBC—talking with Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY) about health care on MSNBC the other day. If you didn’t see her, you may want to check out the following video. Listen to Maria ask Weiner—a man in his forties—why, if he thinks Medicare is so good, he’s not on the plan! OY! How dumb is dumb?

BTW, I’m working on my new invention—the Bartirometer, a scale we can use to determine just how clueless some of the “talking heads” on TV really are. Of course, Maria would be at the top of my scale, which will give highest scores to the most ignorant individuals.

Weiner Sets Bartiromo Straight on Health Care Reform

Well…after watching Maria in the above video, I was inspired to write a song parody in her honor. Here is my version of Maria—with apologies to Stephen Sondheim who wrote the original lyrics.

Maria…
Asked the stupidest question I ever heard.
Maria, Maria, Maria, Maria…
Her query to Anthony Weiner was so absurd!
Maria, Maria, Maria, Maria…
MARIA!
I just heard a girl named Maria
Say something that’s so dumb.
I think her brain’s gone numb.
Oui, oui!
Maria!
I just saw a girl named Maria
On MSNBC.
She’s clueless as can be…
Ain’t she?
Maria!
Say it loud: She’s the Money Honey
Who’s so ignorant that it’s truly funny.

Maria,
I’ll never stop laughing…Maria!

The most bodacious bimbo I ever heard.
Maria.

Here are the original lyrics by Sondheim:

MARIA

TONY
(spoken)
Maria . . .
(sings)
The most beautiful sound I ever heard:
Maria, Maria, Maria, Maria . . .
All the beautiful sounds of the world in a single word . .
Maria, Maria, Maria, Maria . . .
Maria!
I've just met a girl named Maria,
And suddenly that name
Will never be the same
To me.

You can read the rest of the lyrics here.

Read the following post at TAIBBLOG, Matt Taibbi’s blog at True/Slant: Maria Bartiromo shows us how media has helped sandbag health care reform

And here’s another video for your viewing pleasure:

Matt Taibbi & Maria (The Clueless Money Honey) Bartiromo Discussing Health Care Reform on Morning Joe

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Political Pop Singers: Four Couplets

2009-09-01T13:54:00.000-04:00

Liz Cheney & Pa
The spawn of Lady Macbeth and her snarly fella
Singing torture songs a cappella

Glenn Beck & Michele Bachmann
Crazy Glenn harmonizes with a bug-eyed chanteuse—
A duo of right wing musical abuse

Shrillo Billo
Listen to his vocal crescendo
And not-so-subtle innuendo

Charles Grassley
“I want choices!” Listen to him croon.
Health care options are a different tune!

A Going Back to Parochial School Poem--Circa 1956

2009-08-26T11:19:00.000-04:00

I know the following poem isn't about politics--but I'm posting it here anyway. Anyone else out there with not-so-fond memories of parochial school???

I wrote the poem for Tricia’s Monday Poetry Stretch - Back to School. My contribution is a wee bit dark. I attended a strict parochial elementary school in the 1950s. It was a drab, depressing place with dark corridors, desks and chairs screwed to the classroom floors, and bathrooms in the building’s damp basement. I became a school phobic...soon after I arrived on my first day of first grade.

Yes, I take the nuns to task in my poem—but I do understand the poor ladies were dealing with classes of approximately fifty children. I can only imagine what their daily lives were like in the convent that stood adjacent to my school. The nuns were often treated as second class citizens—as are most women—by the Catholic Church.

A Back to School Poem
by Elaine Magliaro

Even though the sun seared the sky
on the Tuesday after Labor Day,
I buttoned my stiffly starched blouse
with puffed sleeves and Peter Pan collar…
then slid on the green serge jumper
that pricked my skin with woolly thorns.
Above my heart
the diamond-shaped badge blazed SJS in gold.
I was a student at Saint John’s School—
a good Catholic girl bound up in dogma
who could recite lengthy answers
from the Baltimore catechism by heart,
who never ate meat on Friday,
who went to Mass every day before school during Lent,
who invented sins when forced to confess my transgressions
to a priest in the bowels of our church,
who dared not disobey the nuns.
Oh, the nuns—dark angels of my innocence,
their foreheads wrapped tightly in white wimples,
their bodies draped in layers of black cloth,
their shaved heads covered with veils
that spread out like ravens’ wings when they strode
down the dark corridors of our school.
These were the good sisters of discipline and doctrine
who did their holy best to crush my spirit,
to haunt my dreams,
to wipe the joy and exuberance from my childhood
with talk of Lucifer and mortal sin and eternal damnation.

It was September 4, 1956,
my first day of fifth grade.
Dressed in crisp cotton and scratchy wool,
a large drawstring bag slung over my shoulder,
I trudged off to school under a scorching sun
with a heavy load—
holy books, a metal lunchbox, bad memories—
and a prayer:
Good Lord Jesus,
help me to survive another year
of this parochial purgatory.

Glenn Beck Revisited

2009-08-14T07:20:00.000-04:00

It’s been an especially busy summer for me. I’ve spent the past few days packing, shopping, and preparing food for our third trip to Maine on today. I thought I’d repost a poem about Glenn Beck that appeared at Political Verses several months ago. Beck has been in the news a lot lately. He called President Obama a racist on FOX TV recently—and because of that he’s lost several sponsors of his show. Hallelujah! Sometimes good things DO happen.

GEICO Pulls Its Ads from Glenn Beck Show (Huffington Post, August 11, 2009)

Glenn Beck Calling President Obama a Racist on FOX

Dead Beckoning: A Poem about Glenn Beck
By Elaine Magliaro

He’s nuttier than a fruitcake.
He’s as crazy as a loon.
He’s got bats up in his belfry—
And he howls at the moon.

He’s a little low on neurons
And his brain’s stuck in first gear.
This nincompoop Neanderthal
Takes joy spreading fear.

He cries for love of country…
While pondering its doom
With other “prescient” experts
In his fantasized War Room.

He talks about disasters
That might befall our nation
At some dates in the future.
It’s just right wing titillation.

His ratings keep on soaring
And his TV show’s a hit.
Some folks are fascinated
By the rantings of this twit!

He praises folks like Cheney.
Our President? He knocks.
His comrades at the channel—
Chris and Bill O.—think he rocks.

You can watch Beck blaze on cable.
He’s the bright new star at FOX.

Check this out: Glenn Harried Glenn-Lost from The Colbert Show

You can read my original post about Beck here.

A Poem That Could Have Been Written by Rush Limbaugh

2009-08-04T08:46:00.000-04:00

Limbaugh blames health care problems on “exercise freaks” (Political Irony: Humor and Hypocrisy from the World of Politics, June 13, 2009)

Who else but Rushbo would claim that folks who exercise are the people putting stress on our health care system? Check out the following video.

Here's a little poem I began writing last month after I first heard Rushbo spouting off about "exercise freaks" on his radio program.

Bah Humbug Exercise: A Poem That Could Have Been Written by Rush Limbaugh
by Elaine Magliaro

Don’t walk. Don’t run. Don’t exercise.
‘Tis better to have flabby thighs.

Indulge your mammoth appetite.
Take pride in mounds of cellulite.

I love my flabby rotund belly
That shakes just like a bowl of jelly.

Give me pork rinds. Give me meat
Ribbed with fat. That’s what I eat!

Give me French fries, donuts, bacon.
Obama, quit your bellyachin’

About us folks that you call “Fatty.”
Go stuff your face with a ten-pound patty!!!

Addendum: Rush has been slimming down in recent months. Maybe he does believe that being overweight isn’t good for one’s health. Check out this brief article: Rush Limbaugh's Weight Loss - Quick and Confusing (From That’s Fit, July 31, 2009).

POETWEET: William Shatner Recites Sarah Palin's Tweets as Poetry

2009-08-01T15:53:00.000-04:00

Here’s a follow-up to Sarah Palin: A Farewell Speech and Poem, my post last Wednesday at Political Verses that included a link to William Shatner performing an excerpt from Sarah Palin’s farewell speech as poetry on the Conan O’Brien Show. On July 29th, Shatner made a return appearance on the show...and recited some of Sarah Palin’s tweets as poetry. Here’s a link to that segment on the Conan O’Brien Show:

Shatner Reads Palin’s Tweets

Sarah Palin: A Farewell Speech and Poem

2009-07-29T12:49:00.000-04:00

I call Palin’s speeches WTF prose (to myself) because I can never figure out the points she is trying to make in them. I find my brain meandering in the morass of her excess verbiage when I’m trying to comprehend what she’s attempting to tell people who are listening to her oral streams of consciousness. I wonder: Does she even have a clue what she’s saying?

You’ve got to see the following video of William Shatner performing an excerpt from Sarah Palin’s farewell speech on the Conan O’Brien Show.

Here's the link: Excerpt from Sarah Palin’s Farewelll Speech performed by William Shatner

Okay…now I get it. Palin’s not writing prose—she’s writing poetry. That’s makes it all clear to me now. Walt Whitman, scooch over! You too, Carl Sandburg! Make room for Sarah Palin in the pantheon of American poets.

Here’s an excerpt from Sarah Palin’s farewell political poem:

And getting up here
I say
it is the best road trip
in America
soaring through nature’s finest show.
Denali, the great one,
soaring under the midnight sun.
And then the extremes.
In the winter time it’s the frozen road
that is competing
with the view of ice fogged frigid beauty,
the cold though,
doesn’t it split the Cheechakos from the Sourdoughs?
And then in the summertime
such extreme summertime
about a hundred and fifty degrees
hotter than just some months ago,
than just some months from now,
with fireweed blooming along the frost heaves
and merciless rivers that are rushing and carving
and reminding us that here, Mother Nature wins.
It is as throughout all Alaska
that big wild good life teeming along the road
that is north to the future.

Click here to read the full text of Sarah Palin’s farewell speech. (Text provided by The Mudflats blog.)

Oh, if only I could write poetry like that!

If I only had the ability
to combine random thoughts
into an incoherent mélange
of mile-long mutterings
that captures the essence
of my poet’s soul.
If only I could
pen poems
with a strong and perceptive hand
about tiny, delicate, vicious little starlets
trying to take away our right to bear arms.
If only I could
write like Sarah does
with heart and estrogenic machismo
about subjects like hunting and skinning big game
for lunch and sustenance.
Oh, to write poetry like Palin!
It’s not politics, I mean…poetry, as usual!

Check out the following post from The Mudflats blog: A Final Bon Voyage from Cordova…

Sarah Palin’s Farewell Speech (Part 1)

Sarah Palin’s Farewell Speech (Part 2)

Ramblin' Prose: A Song Parody about Sarah Palin's Resignation Speech

2009-07-23T15:39:00.000-04:00

Excerpt from Sarah Palin, the Anti-Poet by John Lundberg (Huffington Post—July 19, 2009)

Watching Sarah Palin resign the other week, I remembered how frustrating it is to listen to her speak. She uses simple words, but combines them into a fog that's hard to penetrate, out of which a few political clichés like "freedom" and "reform" appear. Most politicians, of course, obfuscate to some degree, but Palin is a master, and she does it constantly. Look at how she turns a simple statement into a mind-numbing puzzle (this is from Hart Seely's terrific collection of found poems taken from actual Sarah Palin quotes):

You know,
Small mayors,
Mayors of small towns--
Quote, unquote--
They're on the front lines.

A quick analysis reveals why understanding Palin can be such a challenge. She follows a folksy "you know" with a clear misstatement--"small mayors"--which she follows with a clarification, which she then amends with the inexplicable "quote, unquote." By the time she gets to her point--that small town mayors are on the front lines (which she could have simply said)--one is too bogged down in misstatements, repetitions, poor syntax and folksiness to know what to think. This is, no doubt, why her interviewers often look a bit stunned, jaw slightly agape, when Palin finishes answering a question: they don't have a clear idea of what she said.

You can read the rest of the article here.

After listening to Palin’s resignation speech a few weeks ago, I was inspired to write a poem entitled Sarah Palin’s Swan/Duck/Goose Song. (You can read that poem here.) Soon after writing that verse, an idea for a parody of Ramblin’ Rose, a song made famous by the late Nat King Cole, popped into my head. You’ll find that parody, Ramblin’ Prose, below. The rhythm may be off a bit in my version--what the heck! But first…I thought you might want to listen to the original version of the song as sung by Cole in the following video:

Ramblin’ Rose Sung by Nat King Cole

Ramblin’ Prose: A Song Parody about Sarah Palin’s Resignation Speech

Ramblin’ prose, ramblin’ prose
What you’re sayin’ no one knows.
Your speech is inchoate—needs more work.
It’s just a mishmash of ramblin’ prose.

Ramble on, ramble on
Your thoughts meander—hither…yon.
You’re talkin’ ragtime—that’s your style.
Just keep on ramblin’ until you’re gone.

Ramblin’ prose, ramblin’ prose
Why you’re resignin’, heaven knows.
You’ve given your reasons, so you say—
But we’re bewildered by your ramblin’ prose.

Your ramblin’ prose did not disclose
If you’ll run for president. I suppose
You’ll write a memoir, go work at FOX.
You’ll keep on ramblin’ with your prose.

Sarah Palin's Swan/Duck/Goose Song

2009-07-08T09:59:00.000-04:00

The waterfowl on Lake Lucille could be heard commenting in the background as Sarah Palin informed the media she would be stepping down as governor of Alaska.

Sarah Palin Resigns

Sarah Palin's Swan/Duck/Goose Song
by Elaine Magliaro

Hithery dithery dock,
I’m list’ning to Sarah P. talk.
Her thinking is muddled.
The geese are befuddled.
They’ve started to gather and squawk.

Hithering withering wits,
She’s sending the geese into fits.
They’re honkin’ and flappin’.
She’s breathless and yappin’.
They think that the gov is a ditz.

Hithery plithery pluck,
The geese are all running amuck
As the gov blathers on.
Ah, but soon she’ll be gone.
They’re so glad she won’t be a lame duck!

A Little Extra
From Jonathan Turley’s Blog--Palinotology: Sarah Palin States That, If President, She Would Be Protected By The “Department of Law”

The Warrior: A Mother's Story of a Son at War by Frances Richey

2009-07-03T10:01:00.000-04:00

Here is an excerpt from Frances Richey’s website about her book:
When Frances Richey's son, Ben, a graduate of the United States Military Academy at West Point and a Green Beret, went on the first of his two deployments to Iraq, Richey began to write. The Warrior is her urgent and intensely personal exploration of what a mother is feeling as her only son goes off to war, as she says good-bye to him, misses him, prays for him, and waits for him to come home.

At the heart of this memoir in verse lies a mother's love for her son-a son from whom she feels distant both literally and metaphorically, for she is opposed to the war but nevertheless realizes that she needs to understand and support the choices he has made.

From KILL SCHOOL

That was the summer he rappelled

down mountains on rope

that from a distance looked thin

as the dragline of a spider,

barely visible, the tension

he descended

into the made-up

state of Pineland

with soldiers from his class.

They started with a rabbit,

and since my son was the only one

who’d never hunted,

he went first. He described it:

moonlight, the softness

of fur, another pulse

against his chest.

You can read the rest of the poem here.

From LETTERS

-1

Before he left for combat,

he took care of everything:

someone to plow the driveway,

cut the grass.

And the letter he wrote me,

just in case, sealed

somewhere, in a drawer;

can’t be opened,

must be opened

if he doesn’t return.

You can read the rest of the poem here.

Inventory
This is a poem Frances Richey wrote after she visited with her son when he was preparing to deploy to Iraq in the fall of 2004.

To My Son in Iraq

Frances Richey

********************

At Wild Rose Reader, I have an original “tortoise” acrostic and reviews of two pictures books with fables written in verse.

At Blue Rose Girls, I have a poem by Jack Spicer entitled Psychoanalysis: An Elegy.

Tabatha A. Yeats has the Poetry Friday Roundup this week.

Poetry from Iran

2009-07-01T09:41:00.000-04:00

I have no snarky verses for you today. Instead...here is some poetry from Iran.

From NPR

Poetry from Iran, One Tweet at a Time

Iran’s National Poet Speaks Out

More Iranian/Persian Poetry

Rumi’s Poetry

Iranian Women Poets

Midnight Approaches (A Brief History of Persian Poetry)

If Women Get the Vote

2009-06-25T11:59:00.000-04:00

Here's a poem for Poetry Friday on Thursday. I'm heading to Maine today for a wedding.

A poet friend of mine, who chooses to remain anonymous, sent me the following “ironic” poem—and asked if I’d consider posting it at Political Verses.

If Women Get the Vote

19th Amendment
Ratified August 18, 1920

There’s no use to pretend,
The world’s about to end,
If women get the vote.

The Catholics'll get in,
The blacks and Jews'll win,
If women get the vote.

Who wants to take the chance
That they'll be wearing pants,
If women get the vote?

Egads, I do believe
They might just up and leave,
If women get the vote.

And once their muscle’s flexed,
What horrors happen next,
If women get the vote?

Now just imagine, friend,
The message this will send.
There’s no use to pretend,
We know the world will end,
If women get the vote.

Kelly Herold is doing the Poetry Friday Roundup this week at Crossover.

The Vietcong Tunnels: A Poem by J. Patrick Lewis

2009-06-01T09:01:00.000-04:00

Well...I guess you could say that May was vacation month at Political Verses. I didn't post one rhyming rant. I have a poem for you today thanks to the generosity of poet J. Patrick Lewis.

The Vietcong Tunnels
by J. Patrick Lewis

Some were narrow, some were deep,
But all of them snick-snaked along
Into your agitated sleep:
The tunnels of the Vietcong.

And they were dug to fight the war
Americans had thought was right.
The staunch belief they held before
They learned where they were sent to fight:

A jungle that defied all maps.
The shambles of liana vines
Disguised a trip of booby traps
And other anti-human mines.

And there were those GIs who crawled
Inside the holes like stealthy cats,
Individuals who were called
Many things and tunnel rats.

What, you might ask, did GIs do
Inside the burrow of the foe?
Well, this was war, that much is true,
But it was many years ago.

We quit the war and stopped the bomb,
Still confounding right and wrong.
Still spidered under Vietnam?
The tunnels of the Vietcong.

Extended Engagement: A Poem by J. Patrick Lewis

2009-04-30T19:01:00.000-04:00

Here's a poem by J. Patrick Lewis for the final day of National Poetry Month!

Extended Engagement

We dated during Harry Truman’s reign,

Through Ike, Dick, Jimmy, Ronnie, Bill and Bush—

And we got married yesterday! My cane

Lovingly gave her wheelchair a push.

Here are links to other poems by J. Patrick Lewis that I posted previously at Political Verses:

I send my thanks and heartfelt appreciation to Pat Lewis for granting me permission to post his poems here at my blog.

Bye-bye, Bybee

2009-04-29T21:07:00.000-04:00

Jay Bybee: The Man Behind Waterboarding (By Randy James—Time, April 28, 2009)

Jay Bybee has been called the "forgotten man" in the mounting furor over the CIA's harsh interrogation of imprisoned terror suspects — but he's quickly assuming a leading role. Though the mild-mannered lawyer has attracted little public attention, as a top Justice Department official he approved an array of so-called "enhanced interrogation techniques" against alleged al-Qaeda members that many observers call torture. They include forcing prisoners to stay awake for a week or more, waterboarding them and trapping them with an insect to exploit their fear of bugs.

Bye-bye, Bybee

Bye-bye, Bybee—
You so-and so—
It’s time you were benched.
It’s time to go.

Return your robe—
And your gavel, too!
Judgment day is here
For you and Yoo.

You and Yoo,
The infamous two
From the OLC—
The lawyers who

Used tortured logic
And legalese
To circumvent laws…
Two corroborees

Who defined techniques
For interrogation
(Enhanced AND sadistic)
With specification.

You think you did it
For the good of our nation?
You think there truly
Is justification

For waterboarding…
Other tortures as well?
YOU’RE a rotten thing in Denmark
And you’re starting to smell!

FYI
Bybee’s ‘remoteness from the actual torturers’ increases his ‘degree of responsibility.’ (Think Progress—4/27/09)

Jon Eisenberg, one of the lawyers who is representing the plaintiffs in a case challenging Bush's warrantless wiretapping program, writes in the Philadephia Inquirer today that Jay Bybee’s “remoteness from the actual torturers increases his degree of responsibility”:

Bybee did not write the torture memo he signed; it was written by John Yoo, then at the Department of Justice's Office of Legal Counsel and currently a law school professor who writes a monthly column for The Inquirer. Bybee just signed off on the memo, two desks removed from the torture chamber. Did he even read it? He must have. Did he think much about it? How could he have, and then signed such an abhorrent thing? This is evil thoughtlessness. […]

Bybee defends his torture memos as ‘legally correct’ and ‘a good-faith analysis of the law.’ (Think Progress—4/29/09)

Judge Jay Bybee finally "broke his silence" and talked to the New York Times about his legal memos which authorized torture. This past weekend, the Washington Post quoted anonymous friends of Bybee claiming that Bybee was apologetic for authoring the memos. Speaking for himself, Bybee said that's not the case:

[H]e said: “The central question for lawyers was a narrow one; locate, under the statutory definition, the thin line between harsh treatment of a high-ranking Al Qaeda terrorist that is not torture and harsh treatment that is. I believed at the time, and continue

The Winner This Week is...

2009-04-27T17:50:00.000-04:00

Mary Lee Hahn of A Year of Reading is the lucky winner of Once Upon a Tomb: Gravely Humorous Verses, which was written by J. Patrick Lewis and illustrated by Simon Bartram. If you haven’t read this poetry book yet, Mary Lee, you’re in for a treat—and lots of chuckles!

Here is the schedule for the upcoming drawings at Wild Rose Reader and Political Verses.

May 1st—for comments left on posts dated April 26-30

The winner of the drawing that will take place on May 1st will receive a copy of The Best of Ogden Nash.

Find out who won copies of Birds on a Wire and What Can you Do with an Old Red Shoe? over at Wild Rose Reader.

Knock, Knock, Knockin' on Heaven's Door: John Yoo at the Pearly Gates

2009-04-24T03:03:00.000-04:00

FYI

Yoo Torture Memo Says Fourth Amendment Doesn't Apply in War on Terror (Wired)
John Yoo is sorry for nothing (Salon.com)

Knock Knock Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door: John Yoo at the Pearly Gates

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Halloo! It’s Yoo!
Yoo Who?
John Yoo. That’s who.
The Yoo who wrote the torture memo?
THAT Yoo!
Yes, it’s THAT Yoo. That’s true.
You, Yoo, cannot come in. Shoo, Yoo,
Head to hell where you’ll get your due!

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Boohoo! Boohoo!
I beg your pardon. Boo…Who?
It’s Yoo—not Boo! Sorry…I was feeling blue.
Now open the gate and let me through!
As I recall, I bid YOU adieu.
Now go to hell like I told you to.

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
It’s me. It’s Yoo.
Let me in or I’ll make a great big hullabaloo!
Pooh, Yoo, you’ve done some things that you should rue.
Now it’s time to sit and stew.
The devil said you’re overdue!
Let me in. I’m begging you!
Sorry, Yoo—no can do.
It’s time for you to barbecue
Down with the fire and brimstone crew.
Adieu. Toodle-oo. Don’t come back. SCREW, Yoo!

Earlier This Week at Political Verses
The Cows Caused It: A Poem about Global Warming
This Be the Verse: It Doesn't Matter What You Do (A Poem by J. Patrick Lewis)

********************

My post at Wild Rose Reader, Poetry Friday: Animal Haiku, includes reviews of four books of haiku about animals.
At Blue Rose Girls today: Opposite Poems--Part 2
The Poetry Friday Roundup is at Under the Covers this week.

This Be the Verse: It Doesn't Matter What You Do

2009-04-23T12:50:00.000-04:00

I have two poems for you today--one by Philip Larkin and one by J. Patrick Lewis

This Be the Verse
by Philip Larkin

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

You can read the rest of Larkin’s poem here.

About Philip Larkin

You can read out about poet Philip Larkin and find links to some of his poems here.
Not just about your mum and dad (An article about Philip Larkin by Joshua Weiner)

J. Patrick Lewis

Here is a poem by J. Patrick Lewis—written in the style of This Be the Verse:

It Doesn’t Matter What You Do
After Philip Larkin

by J. Patrick Lewis

You fuck them up, your girl and boy.
It doesn’t matter what you do.
The latest theories you employ
Will make them flaming assholes, too.

And then, to maximize despair,
Greedy daughters and selfish sons
Repay your fine parental care
By breeding Young Republicans.

The Cows Caused It: A Poem about Global Warming

2009-04-22T10:37:00.000-04:00

It's a good thing there are folks like Rep. Dana Rohrabacher of California and Rep. John Boehner of Ohio around to help shed light on who the worst producers of greenhouse gases may be. Who knew it was the flatulence of dinosuars and cows that may have caused climatic changes on planet Earth?

FYI: Some News Links

On the Flatulence of Cows and Global Warming

The dinosaurs farted.
And now it’s the cows—
Whose anal emissions
Waft into the air
Increasing the greenhouse
Gases “up there.”
In blissful abandon
Cows graze on green grass,
Mooing and chewing
And chewing and pooing—
All the while strewing
Brown pies everywhere.

These flatulent bovines…
These cud masticators…
Digestive polluters …
Toxic gas generators…
These methane producers
Seem harmless and charming.
But I’ve got the scoop—
On the cows and their poop:
They’re the primary cause
Of Earth’s global warming.

This Week's Winner Is...

2009-04-20T11:15:00.000-04:00

Mary Lee Hahn of A Year of Reading is the lucky winner of American Wits: An Anthology of Light Verse edited by John Hollander. I have little doubt that Mary Lee will enjoy this compilation of works by Arthur Guiterman, Robert Frost, Don Marquis, Morris Bishop, Ogden Nash, E. B. White, Phyllis McGinley, W. H. Auden, David McCord, Dorothy Parker, and poets.

Here is the schedule for the upcoming drawings at Wild Rose Reader and Political Verses.

April 26th—for comments left on posts dated April 19-25
May 1st—for comments left on posts dated April 26-30

The winner of the drawing that takes place on April 26th will receive a copy of Once Upon a Tomb: Gravely Humorous Verse, which was written by J. Patrick Lewis and illustrated by Simon Bartram. This is a book of poems and pictures sure to tickle the funny bones of children and adults alike.

Find out who won a copy of Joyce Sidman's Red Sings from Treetops: A Year in Colors over at Wild Rose Reader.

Bill O. the Bully & Amanda Terkel

2009-04-18T21:20:00.000-04:00

Huffington Post: O'Reilly Producer Stalks Amanda Terkel: THE VIDEO

Think Progress: I Was Followed, Harassed, And Ambushed By Bill O’Reilly’s Producer

Bill O. the Bully & Amanda Terkel

Amanda had an enemy.
His voice was loud and gruff.
He liked to spout off on TV…
To swagger and act tough.

He sent his henchman out one day
To follow poor Amanda…
To ambush her and make a film
To use as propaganda

On his nighttime TV show
He calls the “No Spin Zone”—
Wherein the blowhard blusters
Through his mouthy megaphone

And spins the news to meet his needs
With spiderly exaction—
He Who Can’t Be Criticized—
FOX channel’s star attraction.

Amanda Terkel is Deputy Research Director at the Center for American Progress and serves as Managing Editor for The Progress Report and ThinkProgress.org at the Center for American Progress.

Gasbag: A Limbaughrhyme

2009-04-17T04:45:00.000-04:00

GASBAG

OxyContin
Pudding and pie
Rush popped five pills
And went sky high.

He floated
In the stratosphere
Like the Goodyear blimp,
A gaseous sermoneer,

An incendiary
Doctrinaire
Spouting racist talk—
And full of hot air!

********************

At Wild Rose Reader today--Red Sings from Treetops: A Book Review & An Invitation

At Blue Rose Girls today: POETRY FRIDAY: Opposite Poems

The Poetry Friday Roundup is at Becky’s Book Reviews this week.

Teatime for Sean Hannity: A Double Dactyl

2009-04-15T12:54:00.000-04:00

Thanks to some loony right wingers who have planned a tax protest against Obama, I now know the definition of the term “teabagging.” I was clueless as to what it meant when I first heard clips of folks like Sean Hannity using the term on FOX and when I read news about the planned “teabagging” of the White House on the Internet. Well, now I know what “teabagging” means. Can’t say I was excited to add that new term to my vocabulary. I can guarantee you this: I will NEVER use it in polite company. Heck, don’t think I’ll ever find the need to use it!

Here’s my double dactyl about Sean Hannity who has been one of the folks on FOX who’s been promoting the Tea Bag Parties planned for April 15th. He’ll be down in Georgia today to participate in a “teabagging” celebration in Atlanta. I hope he remembers it's BYOB (Bring Your Own Bag).

Higgledy-piggledy
Sean (Moron) Hannity
Proves he’s an idiot
Nightly on FOX...

Blathers 'bout teabagging
Parties and taxes. He's
Totally (scrotally)
Dumb as an ox.

From ThinkProgress: FreedomWorks Orchestrates ‘Grassroots’ Movements To Serve Dick Armey’s Corporate Clients

Some Videos for You from Countdown & The Rachel Maddow Show
David Shuster: GOP "Going Nuts" For Teabagging, But They "Need A Dick Armey"
Olbermann clobbers Fox sponsorship of tea bag parties
"Tea Bagging" Rallies Ruthlessly Mocked On Maddow Show

And the Winner This Week Is...

2009-04-13T11:43:00.000-04:00

Vivian Mahoney of HipWriterMama is the lucky winner of The World’s Greatest: Poems, J. Patrick Lewis’s wonderful book of light verse.

Note to Vivian: Please email me your address!

Here is the schedule for the upcoming drawings at Wild Rose Reader and Political Verses.

April 19th—for comments left on posts dated April 12-18
April 26th—for comments left on posts dated April 19-25
May 1st—for comments left on posts dated April 26-30

The winner’s of the drawing that takes place on April 19th will receive a copy of American Wits: An Anthology of Light Verse edited by John Hollander. The book includes works by Arthur Guiterman, Robert Frost, Don Marquis, Morris Bishop, Ogden Nash, E. B. White, Phyllis McGinley, W. H. Auden, David McCord, Dorothy Parker, and poets.

Find out who won a copy of Douglas Florian’s delightful new collections of poems Dinothesaurus aver at Wild Rose Reader.

Potent Political Pottage a la Shakespeare

2009-04-10T08:06:00.000-04:00

Stewing Brew: A Macbethian Melange

Pelosi's Pot-au-Pooh-Poohers

by Elaine Magliaro

Round about the cauldron go:
In the pompous lard butt throw.
Rush the bilious radio host—
That’s what needs to cook the most.
In the brimstone broth immersed—
Limbaugh, Limbaugh! Be he first.

Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire blaze and cauldron bubble.
Kidney of E. Cantor stew
In the cauldron. Boil and brew:
Eye of Newt and nose of Steele,
Foot of Bachmann—toes and heel,
Malkins' tongue and Coulter’s snort,
Boehner’s bellybutton wart.
For a charm of potent trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.

Double, double GOP trouble:
The party’s one big heap of rubble—
A fate that doesn’t seem so tragic
To conjurers of liberal magic.

********************

The Poetry Friday Roundup is at Carol’s Corner this week.

A Poem about George Stephanopoulos by J. Patrick Lewis

2009-04-09T10:23:00.000-04:00

Today, I have another poem for you written by one of my favorite children'spoets--J. Patrick Lewis.

J. Patrick Lewis

George

By J. Patrick Lewis

Psychophant sycophant
George Stephanopoulos
Traded dark secrets at
Washington’s door.

Now, for the love of those
Mediamegabucks,
Look who the little pimp’s
Calling a whore.

Reminder: I'll be giving away a copy of The World's Greatest: Poems, one of J. Patrick Lewis's books of light verse, as a poetry prize for the second week of National Poetry Month. All you have to do to be eligible for Sunday's drawing is to leave a comment at one of my posts dated April 5-11.

The World’s Greatest: Poems

Written by J.Patrick Lewis & Illustrated by Keith Graves

Dickie & the Death Squad

2009-04-07T19:56:00.000-04:00

DEATH SQUAD

Dick Cheney knew of a secret squad
That did assassinations.
It got the A-OK from him
And flew to foreign nations
To knock off people Dick agreed
Should not be sucking air—
While Dick the Diabolical
Stayed hidden in his lair,
A musky room deep in the earth
Away from prying eyes
Of congressmen and senators—
And also Google spies.

From AlterNet (March 31, 2009): Seymour Hersh: Secret U.S. Forces Carried Out Assassinations in 'a Lot of' Countries, Including in Latin America by Amy Goodman, Democracy Now

From MinnPost.com (March 11, 2009): Investigative reporter Seymour Hersh describes 'executive assassination ring' by Eric Black

From Wired’s Danger Room (July 23, 2008): Why is Google Earth Hiding Dick Cheney's House?

The World's Greatest: A Poetry Prize

2009-04-06T12:14:00.000-04:00

Here’s the scoop for those of you who would like to know what book of light verse I’ll be giving away as a prize for the second week of National Poetry Month at Political Verses. This is the book!

The World’s Greatest: Poems
Written by J.Patrick Lewis
Illustrated by Keith Graves
Chronicle Books, 2008

Here’s an excerpt from my Wild Rose Reader review of the book:

This collection of “record-breaking” poetry is fun to read. A master of light verse, J. Patrick Lewis proves himself adept at taking factual information and writing about it with wry humor and the clever turn of phrase. These “greatest” poems are written in a variety of forms, including limerick, acrostic, and concrete poetry. Although not of historic importance, the subjects Lewis selected to write about in his rhythmic and rhyming (with one exception) poems would most likely be of interest to young readers...and listeners.

Here’s a link to my review of this topnotch book of poetry for kids—and for anyone else who enjoys reading light verse written by a master of the genre: The World's Greatest: Poems--A Book Review.

My review includes two of the clever verses included in Lewis’s book—The Longest Traffic Jam and The Largest Mantle of Bees.

NOTE: All you have to do to be eligible for next Sunday’s drawing is to leave a comment at one of my Political Verses posts dated April 5-11!

ANOTHER NOTE: Read the following post to find out what children’s poetry book I’ll be giving away at Wild Rose Reader as a prize for the second week of National Poetry Month: A Prehistoric Poetry Prize!

Bill O.: A Rhyming Rant about Bill O'Reilly

2009-04-06T07:56:00.000-04:00

Bill O.

Bill O., Bill O., Bill O’Reilly
Thinks he’s savvy, brilliant, wily…
Thinks his TV program rocks
'Cause he’s the ratings king at Fox!

He’s a blowhard; he's dogmatic.
His verbal cancer’s metastatic!
Bill O. likes to sputter, rant—
But when he’s wrong, he won’t recant.

Bill’s his own best adulator.
He's a pompous bloviator...
A smarmy, smug intimidator…
A nasty, vile expectorator
Of speech that’s meant to anger, rile.
He’s one great big bag of bile!!!

From Think Progress (March 23, 2009): I Was Followed, Harassed, And Ambushed By Bill O’Reilly’s Producer by Amanda Terkel

From the Baltimore Chronicle & Sentinel (March 23, 2009): O’Reilly Ambushes His Latest Critic
Excerpt: Fox News host Bill O'Reilly (O'Reilly Factor, 3/23/08) recently aired the results of his latest ambush-style interview, which targeted Think Progress blog editor Amanda Terkel. Terkel had dared to point out that O'Reilly, who was invited to speak at a fundraiser for a foundation for rape survivors, had previously suggested that a "moronic" rape/murder victim had invited assault by her drinking and the way she was dressed.

Edited to Add:
John Cleese inspired by plight of Bill O'Reilly (On Countdown with Keith Olbermann)

Here’s an excerpt from Cleese’s poem:

Bill O'Reilly's No Spin Zone is rated highly
by his own beloved mother,
but no other.

Except that Bill for all his faults
still has one skill, a skill of sort:
He can amuse a true dull ox,
the dullest crayon in the box,
the kind of ox that watches Fox.

And the Winners Are...

2009-04-05T13:03:00.001-04:00

Mary Lee of A Year of Reading is the lucky winner of Deciding the Next Decider: The 2008 Presidential Race in Rhyme—and Tricia of The Miss Rumphius Effect is the lucky winner of J. Patrick Lewis’s The Underwear Salesman and Other Jobs for Better or Verse.

Remember, all you have to do to be eligible for a poetry book prize from Wild Rose Reader or Political Verses is to leave a comment at one of my posts at either blog.

Here is the schedule for the upcoming drawings at Wild Rose Reader and Political Verses.

April 12th—for comments left on posts dated April 5-11
April 19th—for comments left on posts dated April 12-18
April 26th—for comments left on posts dated April 19-25
May 1st—for comments left on posts dated April 26-30

I have announced the winner of Falling Down the Page: A Book of List Poems edited by Georgia Heard over at Wild Rose Reader in this post: And the Winner Is…

NOTE to Mary Lee & Tricia: Please email me your addresses.

Poem at the End of the Twentieth Century by J. Patrick Lewis

2009-04-03T07:36:00.000-04:00

For this first Poetry Friday during National Poetry Month, I’m featuring another poem by J. Patrick Lewis, a prolific author of children’s poetry books and an accomplished writer of light verse for adults.

J. Patrick Lewis

Poem at the End of the Twentieth Century
By J. Patrick Lewis

1
All the clowns have changed their faces,
Fortune-teller’s closed her booth,
While the hucksters scalp fake tickets
To the Circus of Untruth.
Cadill-acrobats are tumbling
Through ambition’s ragged nets,
Greedy elephants are crumbling
Like those plaster statuettes.
Underneath the Big Top, preachers
Stuff their cant inside their can.
Get your own cut-rate redemption—
This siecle’s hit the fin.

2
They’ve unpacked their jackboot morals
To a melody by Strauss.
Who’s for pinning hoary laurels
On the Speaker of the House?
Mrs. Citizen, they owe you. . .
What? A fool-proof guarantee?
Watch the flim-flam man, he’ll show you
How you iron irony.
Nothing looks like Edward Hopper,
Nothing feels like Gauguin,
Dream’s about to come a cropper—
This siecle’s hit the fin.

3
Give them the tired, the poor and jaded
Suppositions you believe—
Slick magicians sticking your im-
agination up their sleeves.
Posh impostors deal conviction
From the bottom of the deck.
That’s the truth and truth is fiction
Lately running neck and neck.
Cops’ll beat you, think it’s funny.
Kids’ll steal your pension plan.
What else is there, man, but money?
This siecle’s hit the fin.

[From JPL: “This siecle’s hit the fin” is a play
on the French phrase, fin de siecle. This
poem first appeared in LIGHT QUARTERLY,
Spring 2000 in slightly different form. All
rights are mine. JPL]

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At Wild Rose Reader, I have an extensive post about mask poems. It includes four of my original poems, mask poems written by my former students, and book recommendations.

At Blue Rose Girls, I have a second post about Magnetic Poetry, which includes poems composed online by Mary Lee of A Year of Reading, Pam Coughlan of Mother Reader, Meghan McCarthy of the Blue Rose Girls, and me.

Amy Planchak Graves has the Poetry Friday Roundup at ayuddha.net.

A Terse Verse about Rush Limbaugh

2009-04-02T08:48:00.000-04:00

Just when one thinks that the despicable Rush Limbaugh has gone as far as one can go in insulting a world leader with incendiary rhetoric—he sputters something so offensive that I won't print it here. Read this piece written by Jason Linkins for The Huffington Post (April 1, 2009) if you don’t believe me.

I have a short rhyming verse for you today--a couplet about Limbaugh, the bloated, bloviating blowhard who sometimes refers to himself as Rushbo. Someone should muzzle that blustering bozo!!!

A Couplet about Rush Limbaugh

A pompous, porcine bag of gas.
I tell myself—this, too, shall pass.

Jack Be Nimble: A Rove-ian Rhyme

2009-03-31T18:29:00.000-04:00

In celebration of National Poetry Month I'll be giving away books of light verse to certain lucky individuals who comment at my poetry posts at Political Verses. You'll find more information about how to win a book at the bottom of this post.

Turn back the clock. Imagine you’re Karl Rove hanging out in the Oval Office with your pals President George Dubya and lobbyist Jack Jack Abramoff and some legislators. If you were prescient, you’d have a sense that Jack will one day be involved in a big scandal and that it would best for your boss if Jack isn't seen—or caught on camera—in the White House. Here’s what you, the loveable Turd Blossom, might say to Jack if you saw news reporters heading for the White House. That is, this is what you might say if you were inclined to speaking in rhyming verse.

Jack Be Nimble
(A Rove-ian rhyme in which Karl Rove hastily waxes poetic to Jack Abramoff when he sees reporters approaching the White House)

Jack be nimble…
Jack be slick.
Jack, slip out of the White House…QUICK!
I spy nosy news reporters.
You can’t be caught in Dubya’s quarters.
Sorry, pal, you just can’t stay.
Think of what the press would say!
(We’ll invite you back another day
For caviar and a prime filet.)
Head for K Street right away!
Get back to work on pay to play—
That’s your genius, that’s your shtick.
Jack, slip out of the White House…QUICK!

From the New York Times (February 12, 2006): Photograph Shows Lobbyist at Bush Meeting with Legislators

From ThinkProgress (April 2, 2007): The K Street Project Lives, Norquist Aide Soliciting Support At Event Tonight

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NOTE: Leave a comment at any of my posts from April 1st-4th and you could win a book of light verse entitled The Underwear Salesman and Other Jobs for Better or Worse. The book was written by J. Patrick Lewis and illustrated by Serge Bloch.

If you leave a comment at one post, your name will be entered into the drawing once...if you leave comments at two posts, your name will be entered twice...and so on.

I'll be doing the drawing on Sunday, April 5th.

Political Verses: National Poetry Month Prizes

2009-03-31T11:05:00.000-04:00

In celebration of National Poetry Month, I’ll be giving away books of light verse as prizes for people who leave comments at my posts during the month of April.

Here are the books you’ll have a chance of winning:

American Wits: An Anthology of Light Verse
(American Poets Project)

The Best of Ogden Nash
Edited by Linell Nash Smith

The Underwear Salesman and Other Jobs for Better or Verse
Written by J. Patrick Lewis
Illustrated by Serge Bloch

Once Upon a Tomb: Gravely Humorous Verse
Written by J. Patrick Lewis
Illustrated by Simon Bartram

The World’s Greatest: Poems
Written by J. Patrick Lewis
Illustrated by Keith Graves

You can read my review of the book in this Wild Rose Reader post: The World's Greatest: Poems--A Book Review

NOTE: If you comment/have commented at any of my March posts at Political Verses you could win the following book :

Deciding the Next Decider: The 2008 Presidential Race in Rhyme
Written by Calvin Trillin

You can read my Wild Rose Reader post about this book here.

Michele Bachmann: Armed and Dangerous

2009-03-30T08:40:00.000-04:00

From Huffington Post (March 23, 2009):
Michele Bachmann: I Want People "Armed And Dangerous" Over Obama Tax Plan

Controversial Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) said this weekend that she wants residents of her state "armed and dangerous" over President Barack Obama's plan to reduce global warming "because we need to fight back."

Asked about the White House-backed cap-and-trade proposal to reduce carbon emissions, Bachmann told WWTC 1280 AM, "I want people in Minnesota armed and dangerous on this issue of the energy tax because we need to fight back. Thomas Jefferson told us 'having a revolution every now and then is a good thing,' and the people -- we the people -- are going to have to fight back hard if we're not going to lose our country. And I think this has the potential of changing the dynamic of freedom forever in the United States."

Michelle Bachmann: Armed and Dangerous
By Elaine Magliaro

She’s wild-eyed and packin’ heat—
One congressgal who’s not so sweet.
She isn’t your typical Minnesotan.
She’s militant…warlike—and totin’
A derringer in her Gucci bag…
A Smith and Wesson—40 mag,
A semi-automatic Colt.
She thinks it’s time for an armed revolt.
She’s out inciting insurrection!
(How DID this crank win re-election?????)

She says she’s ready for a revolution!
I say she’s ready for an institution—
An asylum for the politically inane
With padded cells. This gal’s insane.
She’s crazy. She’s possessed. She’s mad!
As a final thought I'd like to add:
She needs a good psychiatrist—
Or, better still, an exorcist!

Rush and the Pussy-Cat: A Limbaughrhyme

2009-03-27T10:00:00.000-04:00

From MediaMatters: Limbaugh said he learned about women from his cat, which "gets loved," "petted," and "fed" and "doesn't have to do anything for it"

On the November 30 edition of his nationally syndicated radio show, host Rush Limbaugh proclaimed: My "cat's taught me more about women, than anything my whole life" because his pet cat "comes to me when she wants to be fed," and "[s]he's smart enough to know she can't feed herself. She's actually [a] very smart cat. She gets loved. She gets adoration. She gets petted. She gets fed. And she doesn't have to do anything for it." Limbaugh has previously stated, on the March 1, 2005, edition of his show, that "[w]omen still live longer than men because their lives are easier"; on January 10, he suggested that some women "would love to be hired as eye candy."

You can read the rest of this article here.

Here is my parody of Edward Lear's famous poem The Owl and the Pussy-Cat. In my version, Rush Limbaugh substitutes for "the owl."

Rush and the Pussy-Cat
(With apologies to Edward Lear)
By Elaine Magliaro

Rush and his Pussy-Cat went to sea
In a humongous pea-green boat.
They took some victuals and plenty of Skittles
Zipped up in big blue tote.
Rush looked up to the stars above
And croaked like frog in heat:
“O lovely pussy, O Pussy, my pet
What a purr-fect little pussy! You’re sweet,
So sweet!
What a purr-fect little pussy! Let’s eat!!!”

Pussy said to her master, “Can we sail a little faster?
I’d like to reach land by dawn.
You’ve got ketchup on your chinny and you’re talking like a ninny.
Will you stop wolfing down all my prawn!”
So they sailed away and decided to stay
On an isle that served endless buffets.
And there on the sand—a roast beef in his hand—
Rush settled in chartreuse-colored chaise,
A chaise.
Rush settled in a chartreuse-colored chaise.

“Rush, are you still eating?” purr-fect pussy started bleating.
“You will never EVER stop, I fear!”
He ignored her plaintive pleas as he ate a plate of cheese
And he guzzled down a gallon stein of beer.
Then he crunched a bag of chips and he smacked his lusty lips.
Next, he started scarfing down some cassoulet.
Oh, he kept on masticating. It was SO intoxicating
He cried, “Pussy, will you marry me today,
today?!”
He cried, “Pussy, will you marry me today?!”

Pussy rolled her feline eyes and began to vocalize
Her reasons for not wanting to be wed.
“Oh, I know you think I’m dandy. I don’t want to be eye candy—
But respected for the brains inside my head.”
She then stood on her hind paws and she showed her pointed claws.
“I'm a female who wants so much more from life.
So your offer I’ll decline—and I hope that you won’t whine.
Rush, I cannot be your sweet submissive wife,
Your wife.
I just cannot be your sweet submissive wife.”

***************

At Wild Rose Reader, I have Things to Do If You Are a Pencil, an original poem that’s included in Falling Down the Page: A Book of List Poems, a new anthology edited by Georgia Heard.

At Blue Rose Girls, I have a post about Magnetic Poetry and a poem I composed using one of the kits at the magnetic Poetry site. (Thanks to Cloudscome for her Magnetic Poetry post last Friday.)

Julie Larios has the Poetry Friday Roundup at The Drift Record.

Dead Beckoning: A Poem about Glenn Beck

2009-03-25T08:00:00.000-04:00

Excerpt from Political Animal by Steve Benen and featuring Hilzoy
Washington Monthly (March 17, 2009)

PEOPLE ARE WATCHING THIS LUNATIC.... Glenn Beck, Fox News' deranged media personality, has been telling a national television audience that the Obama administration might be setting up secret "concentration camps" to lock up conservatives. The president, Beck believes, may be using FEMA in this conspiratorial drive towards "a totalitarian state."

Beck, who has already voiced his affinity for the John Birch Society, is also distributing Birchers' literature to his audiences.

If he were just some random right-wing blogger, it would be easier to laugh this off. If he were just some strange man screaming on a street corner, social service agencies might be called in to help the guy out. But instead, people are listening to this nut.

In fact, Beck has been dominating cable news recently. According to TVNewser's charts of Nielsen ratings, out of all the cable news networks, his Fox show has consistently placed second in the key demographic of viewers aged 25 to 54 over the past couple weeks, beating even Sean Hannity's and trailing only "The O'Reilly Factor." When it comes to total viewers, too, Beck's been cleaning up, generally placing third, just behind Hannity.

Dead Beckoning: A Poem about Glenn Beck
By Elaine Magliaro

He’s nuttier than a fruitcake.
He’s as crazy as a loon.
He’s got bats up in his belfry—
And he howls at the moon.

He’s a little low on neurons
And his brain’s stuck in first gear.
This nincompoop Neanderthal
Takes joy spreading fear.

He cries for love of country…
While pondering its doom
With other “prescient” experts
In his fantasized War Room.

He talks about disasters
That might befall our nation
At some dates in the future.
It’s just right wing titillation.

His ratings keep on soaring
And his TV show’s a hit.
Some folks are fascinated
By the rantings of this twit!

He praises folks like Cheney.
Our President? He knocks.
His comrades at the channel—
Chris and Bill O.—think he rocks.

You can watch Beck blaze on cable.
He’s the bright new star at FOX.

From FOX News Interview Archive (Monday, February 23, 2009)

Glenn Beck’s War Room

Here's an excerpt:
GLENN BECK, HOST: Tonight, we have a very special edition of "The Glenn Beck" program. I want to you join me in the war room which is actually our regular set. We just lit it differently.
But we're going to play out some of the worst case scenarios with some of the greatest minds around, asking ourselves one simple question: What if? Everybody always says, "Gee, you know, we've got to bail out these banks because it will be really bad if we don't." Well, what does it mean "really bad"?

And tonight, we're going to think it out with the help of former CIA agents, some of the best money people around, military analysts, survival experts. We're going to try to show you how to prepare for the worst while everybody else is sitting back and hoping for the best. And I want you to know — everybody involved in this show is also hoping for the best.

Also--Hookers and homelessness: Beck’s War Room predicts doomsday scenario (Video)

Journalistawocky: A Poem Inspired by Bill O'Reilly

2009-03-23T11:00:00.000-04:00

Here is an excerpt from Coming soon to a lefty rag near you by Bill O’Reilly
(Boston Herald—Sunday, March 22, 2009)

The other day, left-wing muckraker Seymour Hersh went on MSNBC and said he had information, provided by the usual anonymous sources, that Dick Cheney was running an assassination squad out of the White House.

I have but one simple observation: If Cheney really had such a crew, Hersh would have been dead a long time ago, and so would most everybody at MSNBC.

You can read the rest of Bill’s Op-Ed here.

Inspired by Bill O’Reilly’s Op-Ed, I give you this parody of Lewis Carroll’s Jabberwocky:
Journalistawocky
(With apologies to Lewis Carroll)
By Elaine Magliaro

‘Twas brilling, and the slimy Rove
Did gyre and gyrate in D. C.;
All mumsy were the neocons,
As was Darth Dick, our last V. P.

“Beware the liberal media!
The pinko press is out to get us!
Watch out for Seymour Hersch. Do shun
That venal villainnettus!”

He took his AK-47:
Long time an investigative foe he sought—
So rested he by the River Potomac
And lay awhile in thought.

And as in ruffish thought he lay,
Seymour Hersh with his fearsome pen,
Came snuffling through the grubbly grass,
And flubbled on the fen.

One shot! Two! And through and through
The bullets all went whizzerack!
He left Hersh then—and took his pen.
He went scarrumping back.

“And hast though slain that narsty knave?
Come to my arms, my breadly lad!
Oh freelish day! Callooh! Callay!”
He chuckled for he was so glad.

‘Twas brilling, and the slimy Rove
Did gyre and gyrate in D. C.;
All mumsy were the neocons,
As was Darth Dick, our last V. P.

A Lobbying I'll Go: A D. C. Ditty

2009-03-22T10:15:00.000-04:00

From National Journal Magazine (March 21, 2009)

Obama Aiming To Lock Turnstile For Lobbyists
President Obama wants Washington lobbyists to check their professional identities on the way into his administration.
By Julie Kosterlitz

Ever since Barack Obama began issuing his broadsides on the presidential campaign trail against lobbyists and the "culture of Washington," Washington has debated whether he was being cynical or merely naive.

Lobbyists "think they own this government, but we're here today to take it back," Obama announced at the outset of his campaign in 2007. He later boasted that he didn't "take a dime of [lobbyists'] money, and when I am president, they won't find a job in my White House."

Although he had already softened his stance a bit before the election -- saying only that lobbyists wouldn't rule his White House -- the pundits and K Street pronounced Obama's boast a nonstarter. Sooner or later, most experienced Washington hands gravitate to lobbying, went the logic, and Obama simply would not be able to run a government without veterans who had some connection to K Street or the wider influence sector.

You can read the rest of the article here.

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A Lobbying I’ll Go: A D. C. Ditty
by Elaine Magliaro

A lobbying I’ll go, a lobbying I’ll go,
Heigh ho the CEO, a lobbying I’ll go.
I’ve got a corporate stash.
I’ll take a wad of cash.
Heigh ho the CEO, a lobbying I’ll go.
I’ll drive into D. C.
Oh, how they’ll welcome me!
Heigh ho the CEO, a lobbying I’ll go.
The senators all know
I’m like Santa Claus. Ho, ho!
Heigh ho the CEO, a lobbying I’ll go.
With my roll of bills unwound
I’ll pass the wealth around.
Heigh ho the CEO, a lobbying I’ll go.
There’s a congressman of note!
Hey, I’ll go and buy a vote.
Heigh ho the CEO, a lobbying I’ll go.
This town Washington’s for sale.
We lobbyists prevail.
Heigh ho the CEO, a lobbying I’ll go.
I love the work I do.
I make LOTS of money too!
Heigh ho the CEO, a lobbying I’ll go.

Why Don't Women Like Rush Limbaugh?: A Rhyming Response

2009-03-21T10:00:00.000-04:00

The EIB Network Female Summit (February 25, 2009)

Here is the beginning of the transcript:

RUSH: Ladies and gentlemen, we are going to do the Female Summit today, by the way. We will do the Female Summit in the third hour of the program today, and the reason we're going to do the Female Summit is Public Policy Polling in North Carolina published a national poll on your beloved host, El Rushbo. They found I've got 46% approval, 43% disapproval, but I got a huge gender gap. My gender gap between men and women is 31%. Thirty-one percent is the differential between male approval and female approval. So yesterday I said, "What can I do about this? What could be done? What is the explanation for this?"

********************

Rush Limbaugh wants to know why women don’t like him. Since he wants an explanation, I, a member of the female gender, am happy to oblige him—in rhyming verse.

Why Don’t Women Like Rush Limbaugh?: A Rhyming Response
By Elaine Magliaro

Limbaugh, Limbaugh, cookies and cream,
Rush kissed the girls and made them scream.
He asked them if they’d like to play
But the feminazis ran away.

Limbaugh, Limbaugh, pudding and pie,
Ole clueless Rush couldn’t figure why
He didn’t rate with the “weaker” sex.
Maybe it’s 'cause he has three necks!

Maybe it’s 'cause he’s full of bile
And sports a snide satanic smile
And calls us babes—and things much worse.

Here’s your answer, Rush, in this little verse.

***************

Edited to Add:
From A Prairie Home Companion

The Old Scout: Disabilities and Delusions
By Garrison Keillor

Many thanks to Tanita of Finding Wondering for this link!

Henry K., Man of Peace: A Poem by J. Patrick Lewis

2009-03-20T01:15:00.000-04:00

Just a few days after I launched Political Verses, the talented and prolific children’s poet J. Patrick Lewis emailed me about my new solo blog. A most generous man, J. Patrick even sent along some of his own political verses. He offered them to me for posting here. I was thrilled.

J. Patrick Lewis

Today, I have a poem he wrote about Henry Kissinger several years ago.

Henry K., Man of Peace

by J. Patrick Lewis
“Since Henry Kissinger won the Nobel Peace
Prize, nothing seems funny anymore.”
Tom Lehrer, on why he stopped writing
and performing comic songs.

I’m Henry K. of the White House corps.
When they whispered PEACE, I shouted WAR!
Hell, that’s what Nixon paid me for.
The body count? Who’s keeping score?
I’m an Intullek-chew-wool.

I’m the World Gone MAD Custodian.
My goals were Don Quixotean,
My windmills were Cambodian.
I bombed ‘em! No more toadyin’.
I’m an Intullek-chew-wool.

I’m the biggest, slowest talking head
To monopolize the old Op-Ed.
I’m well-off, well-endowed, well-read,
And first in line at the paper-shred.
I’m an Intullek-chew-wool.

[A Note from J. Patrick Lewis: This poem first appeared in LIGHT QUARTERLY,
Winter 2002-2003. All rights are mine. JPL]

What some of you may not know: J. Patrick Lewis is a writer of light verse for adults. Many of his humorous poems have appeared in Light Quarterly. Here are links to some of those poems :

Click here to read some of J. Patrick Lewis’s Animal Epitaphs included in the Autumn 2006 issue.

You can read several more of Pat’s clever light verses in the Summer 2000 issue.

Thanks, Pat, for granting me permission to post your poem here!

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Here are links to two of my original poems that I posted at Political Verses this week: Winnie the Pooh-Bah and the Hundred Acre Wood: A Poem about Rush Limbaugh and Bernie Made Off with My Money.

I’m doing the Poetry Friday Roundup at Wild Rose Reader today. Please leave the URL of your poetry post and a short description of it in the comments at my special Roundup Post.

Winnie the Pooh-Bah and the Hundred Acre Wood: A Poem about Rush Limbaugh

2009-03-18T09:04:00.000-04:00

Winnie the Pooh-Bah and the Hundred Acre Wood
(With apologies to A. A. Milne)
by Elaine Magliaro

He lives in the forest
But he can’t see the trees.
He suffers from
Far right optical disease.

He looks at things his way—
And not as they are.
This Winnie Pooh-Bah reigns
As GOP Czar.

He sits on his wooden throne,
An old oak stump…
And talks into his microphone.
He likes to harrumph

About the feminazis,
Liberals and their kin.
And for one Know-Nothing?
He can make an awful din.

He blathers and he blusters
And he bloviates.
He’s the pope of the radio.
He pontificates.

He’s the GOP prophet,
Its spokesperson divine.
Its senators and congressman
Must toe his party line.

They all must pledge allegiance.
They must grovel at his feet…
And like a flock of dittoheads
Must follow him and bleat.

The Tiggers and the Piglets
And all the little Roos
Consider this plump Pooh-Bah
Their one official Muse.

The heffalumps and jagulars,
The foxes, deer, and pheasant
Have all left the forest
’Cause they find his noise unpleasant.

He spouts and he sputters
In the Hundred Acre Wood—
This lord who wears a crown beneath
His snowy white hood.

A Poem about Bernie Madoff

2009-03-16T07:52:00.000-04:00

Bernie Made Off with My Money
by Eline Magliaro

Sing a song of sixpence.
That’s all that I have left!
Bernie stole my money.
Now I’m broke, bummed out, bereft.

He made off with my nest egg.
He had a lot of gall.
He made off with my peace of mind.
He took my wherewithal.

He made off with a lot of dough.
Did not invest one cent!
Let’s dress him up in sackcloth…
Make him kneel down and repent.

Let’s curse this smarmy scumbag
Who swindled friends and neighbors
Of all their hard-earned savings
And the fruits of their long labors.

Let’s send him off to prison.
Let’s Sing Sing a song of jail
And pray this Ponzi schemer's
Never out again on bail.

A Hunting He Will Go: A Poem about Dick Cheney

2009-03-14T13:40:00.000-04:00

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and wounded a campaign contributor during a weekend quail hunt on a friend's South Texas ranch, local authorities and the vice president's office said Sunday. (February 13, 2006)

A Hunting He Will Go
A poem inspired by our former vice president
by Elaine Magliaro

Who’s hunting here? I think I know.
That’s why I’m certain I must go.
Don’t want to get shot by mistake
Because he thinks that I’m a doe.

I hear his voice. He’s coming near.
Oh, Lord! I know I’ve much to fear.
I best be sprightly on my feet
And get the HELL out of here!

His rifle’s raised; he’s taking aim.
“I’m a human being!” I exclaim.
“Hey! Can’t you see I’m not a deer?”
(Guess he’s decided I’m fair game.)

Forsooth! Alas! He walks my way.
I guess this ain’t my lucky day.
I do not want to be his prey.
I do not want to be his prey.