Making the Grade

From Jonathan Turley’s blog (11/12/2009): Alma Market: North Carolina School Ordered to Stop Selling Grades as Fundraiser

Educators at the Rosewood Middle School had struggled with raising money. Candy and other traditional items did not generate much money for the Goldsboro, North Carolina school. Then they found a commodity that the public was hankering for: they started to sell grades. Until, that is, a bunch of do gooders stepped in and objected.

You can read the rest of the post here.


From newsobserver.com (11/12/2009): District nixes cash-for-grades fundraiser



I found this story hard to believe. Still, it inspired me to write the following little poem:

Making the Grade


Hip hip hooray!
I got an A
On my science test today.

In history
I got a B—
Thanks to Mom and Dad. You see…

I made the grade
Because they paid.
I love their new financial aid!

A Dead Rabbit Toss Competition Poem

New Zealand Cancels Dead Rabbit Toss Competition


From Jonathan Turley’s blog (11/10/2009)

It appears that you have missed your chance to participate in the annual Dead Rabbit Throw competition in New Zealand. Animal welfare activists seem to have found it somehow distasteful to have families try to throw dead rabbits the farthest.

The annual “Rabbit Throw” was held in the town of Waiau but was cancelled after a concerted campaign by the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA). Organiser Jo Moriarty claims banning the bunny contest is “political correctness gone mad”.

You can read the rest of the article here.


Here's the poem I was inpsired to write about the bunny tossing competition:

Rabbits here,
Rabbits there,
Rabbits sailing through the air.

Projectile bunnies
Tossed for sport—
That’s entertainment of ANOTHER sort.

Grab a leg
Or grab an ear
And fling a bunny outta here.

Join us in
A fine tradition:
The dead hare tossing competition.

Driving Drunk: A Short Poem about Mary Strey

Drunk Driver Mary Strey

(MYFOX NATIONAL, 11/02/2009) - A Wisconsin woman called 911 to report a drunk driver. It turned out that she identified the driver as herself.

According to the released 911 tape, Mary Strey of Granton, Wisc., called the emergency number on Oct. 24 at about 11:20 p.m. and reported "Somebody's really drunk driving down Granton Road."

The dispatcher tried to determine which way the reported driver was headed and asked Strey "Okay are you behind them, or..."
Strey responded, "No, I am them."
The dispatcher verified, "You am them?"
"Yes, I am them," replied Strey.
"Okay, so you want to call and report that you're driving drunk?" confirmed the dispatcher.
"Yes," Strey answered.

You can read the rest of the article here.


Here's a little poem that I wrote about Mary "I Am Them" Strey:

This is Ms. Mary Strey
And I’m calling to say
That I’m out on the road driving drunk today.

I’m not sure what I’ve done
So I called 911.
Could you get in a cruiser and fetch me, my son?

Paean to a Bovine Beauty

From Jonathan Turley’s blog (September 24, 2009):
In Defense of Man-Cow Relations: New Jersey Judge Drops Charges Against Police Officer for Having Sex with Cows On the Grounds That They May Have Enjoyed It

Some true stories are just so bizarre that they inspire me to write poetry.


Paean to a Bovine Beauty

I’m in love, I’m in love
With a creature divine…
A ruminant fair.
How I wish she were mine.
She’s a sweet, lowing voice.
She’s got limpid brown eyes.
She swishes her sleek tail
At hovering flies.
She’s a beauteous bovine,
A cow of great charm.
I’ve been trying to court her
Out here on the farm.