Epitaph for John Edwards by J. Patrick Lewis

J. Patrick Lewis is a master of writing light verse for both children and adults. I am always happy to post a "political" verse he sends along to me. Here's one he sent the other day:

Epitaph for John Edwards
(when the time comes)

But everyone kept telling me
to get Rielle!

If you like that verse--you're sure to enjoy J. Patrick Lewis's book Once Upon a Tomb: Gravely Humorous Verses (Candlewick, 2006). The large-format book includes "delightfully deadpan" color illustrations by Simon Bartram--which complement the sly humor in Lewis's text.

The "gravely humorous verses" tell about the demise of a number of individuals who

earned their living in different lines of work/professions--including beautician, philosopher, soccer player, gravedigger, movie star, tattoo artist, and poet.

One of my favorite poems in the book is School Teacher:

Knives can harm you, heaven forbid!

Axes may disarm you kid.

Guillotines are painful, but

There's nothing like a paper cut.

Click here to view a double-page spread in Once Upon a Tomb.

Two Rhyming Verses for Creationists

From The Texas Tribune (2/17/2010)
Meet the Flintstones
by Ross Ramsey

Nearly a third of Texans believe humans and dinosaurs roamed the earth at the same time, and more than half disagree with the theory that humans developed from earlier species of animals, according to the University of Texas/Texas Tribune Poll.

The differences in beliefs about evolution and the length of time that living things have existed on earth are reflected in the political and religious preference of our respondents, who were asked four questions about biological history and God:

• 38 percent said human beings developed over millions of years with God guiding the process and another 12 percent said that development happened without God having any part of the process. Another 38 percent agreed with the statement "God created human beings pretty much in their present form about 10,000 years ago."

• Asked about the origin and development of life on earth without injecting humans into the discussion, and 53 percent said it evolved over time, "with a guiding hand from God." They were joined by 15 percent who agreed on the evolution part, but "with no guidance from God." About a fifth — 22 percent — said life has existed in its present form since the beginning of time.

You can read the rest of the article at the following link:

http://www.texastribune.org/stories/2010/feb/17/meet-flintstones/

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A Creation Quatrain

On the seventh day God said: "I did my best.
Now I'm going to take a rest!
I labored hard for six long days.
Now write me a hymn of thanks and praise."


A Rah Rah Rhyme for Creationist Cheerleaders

Evolution? Nay! Nay! Nay!
Creationism? Yay! Yay! Yay!
Genesis tells us all we need to know.
Our world was created six thousand years ago.
Darwin got his science facts mangled and twisted.
Humans and dinosaurs co-existed!

Look at the Man: A Poem Explaining Why Women with Mates Gain Weight

Study Says Women With Mates Get Heavier
By Nicholas Bakalar
New York Times (January 4, 2010)

It is widely known that women tend to gain weight after giving birth, but now a large study has found evidence that even among childless women, those who live with a mate put on more pounds than those who live without one.

The differences, the scientists found, were stark.

After adjusting for other variables, the 10-year weight gain for an average 140-pound woman was 20 pounds if she had a baby and a partner, 15 if she had a partner but no baby, and only 11 pounds if she was childless with no partner. The number of women with a baby but no partner was too small to draw statistically significant conclusions.

There is no reason to believe that having a partner causes metabolic changes, so the weight gain among childless women with partners was almost surely caused by altered behavior. Moreover, there was a steady weight gain among all women over the 10 years of the study.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/05/health/05weight.html

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Here's a poem I wrote after reading this article:

Look at the Man: A Poem Explaining Why Women with Mates Gain Weight

Once upon a time he was a prince.
Now every time I look at him I wince.
That dashing fellow who once caught my fancy
Now sports big boobies like my old Aunt Nancy.
As I dream of wedded bliss…a life diviner--
He croaks out to me from his worn recliner,
“Honey, do me a favor—be a dear—
Would you go and fetch me another ice cold beer?
And while you’re at it, get a bag of chips!”
Those are the loving words that pass through his wan lips.
He never buys me flowers, takes me dancing.
My mate’s not into sweet talk and romancing.
He’s always in a couch potato mode—
That prince I married turned into a toad.

Who Dat Hangin' at da Laundromat?

From Jonathan Turley’s blog: Flasher Identified By His Pronounced . . . Tooth (2/5/2010)

In what may be something of a disappointment for Ian Rushing, 27, women identified the Oregon man as the alleged “St. Helens Flasher” by his pronounced bad tooth.

Rushing is accused of grabbing women and exposing himself at the Cascade Cleaners in St. Helens. He also won the coveted award for “The Mugshot Most Likely To Be A Flasher.”

He is charged with public indecency, 3rd-degree sexual abuse and violating his probation.

You’ll find links to articles with more information here.

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The story about the “St. Helens Flasher” inspired me to write the following Who Dat? verse for two voices:

Who Dat Hangin' at da Laundromat

Who dat hangin’ at da laundromat?
WHO dat? WHO dat?
Who dat rotten-toothed creepy cat?
WHO dat? WHO dat?

DAT man? DAT man?
Dat’s a pervert with no dental plan.
Dat’s da flasher with the silver van!
Dat man’s going to da county can.

How to Report the News: A Satirical Video by Charlie Brooker

I know I haven't been posting many new verses in the past couple of months. I've had a case of writer's block lately.

Here's a funny video I came across today. It was made by Charlie Brooker. Brooker is a British journalist and comic. He is known in England for his satire.

Charlie Brooker—How to Report the News


You can find out about Charlie Brooker here.

One Law Professor's Perspective on the Recent Supreme Court Ruling on Corporate Campaign Spending

Jamin Raskin on Democracy Now (1/22/2010)
(Note: Jamin Raskin is a Professor of Law and the Director of the Law and Government Program at American University’s Washington College of Law)

In Landmark Campaign Finance Ruling, Supreme Court Removes Limits on Corporate Campaign Spending

Senator Centerfold

One thing I NEVER want to behold:

Senator Scott Centerfold!