Who Dat Hangin' at da Laundromat?

From Jonathan Turley’s blog: Flasher Identified By His Pronounced . . . Tooth (2/5/2010)

In what may be something of a disappointment for Ian Rushing, 27, women identified the Oregon man as the alleged “St. Helens Flasher” by his pronounced bad tooth.

Rushing is accused of grabbing women and exposing himself at the Cascade Cleaners in St. Helens. He also won the coveted award for “The Mugshot Most Likely To Be A Flasher.”

He is charged with public indecency, 3rd-degree sexual abuse and violating his probation.

You’ll find links to articles with more information here.

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The story about the “St. Helens Flasher” inspired me to write the following Who Dat? verse for two voices:

Who Dat Hangin' at da Laundromat

Who dat hangin’ at da laundromat?
WHO dat? WHO dat?
Who dat rotten-toothed creepy cat?
WHO dat? WHO dat?

DAT man? DAT man?
Dat’s a pervert with no dental plan.
Dat’s da flasher with the silver van!
Dat man’s going to da county can.

Making the Grade

From Jonathan Turley’s blog (11/12/2009): Alma Market: North Carolina School Ordered to Stop Selling Grades as Fundraiser

Educators at the Rosewood Middle School had struggled with raising money. Candy and other traditional items did not generate much money for the Goldsboro, North Carolina school. Then they found a commodity that the public was hankering for: they started to sell grades. Until, that is, a bunch of do gooders stepped in and objected.

You can read the rest of the post here.


From newsobserver.com (11/12/2009): District nixes cash-for-grades fundraiser



I found this story hard to believe. Still, it inspired me to write the following little poem:

Making the Grade


Hip hip hooray!
I got an A
On my science test today.

In history
I got a B—
Thanks to Mom and Dad. You see…

I made the grade
Because they paid.
I love their new financial aid!

A Dead Rabbit Toss Competition Poem

New Zealand Cancels Dead Rabbit Toss Competition


From Jonathan Turley’s blog (11/10/2009)

It appears that you have missed your chance to participate in the annual Dead Rabbit Throw competition in New Zealand. Animal welfare activists seem to have found it somehow distasteful to have families try to throw dead rabbits the farthest.

The annual “Rabbit Throw” was held in the town of Waiau but was cancelled after a concerted campaign by the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA). Organiser Jo Moriarty claims banning the bunny contest is “political correctness gone mad”.

You can read the rest of the article here.


Here's the poem I was inpsired to write about the bunny tossing competition:

Rabbits here,
Rabbits there,
Rabbits sailing through the air.

Projectile bunnies
Tossed for sport—
That’s entertainment of ANOTHER sort.

Grab a leg
Or grab an ear
And fling a bunny outta here.

Join us in
A fine tradition:
The dead hare tossing competition.

HOT DOG!: A Turley Blawg Verse

Here’s a link to another post at Professor Jonathan Turley’s blog that inspired me to write a poem:

Nothing to Relish: Massachusetts Man Gets 18 Months for Stealing Hot Dog (September 29, 2009)

Antonio Judd really really wanted a hot dog. He grabbed a dog from a person on the street in Worcester and will now pay his debt to society with eighteen months in jail.

Judd has a prior record of assault and was found with a pellet gun — but the hot dog was long gone. The forensic “splatter” evidence included mustard spilled on the shirt of the victim.

You can read the rest of the post here.


HOT DOG!
by Elaine Magliaro

Yellow mustard, ketchup, and relish—
The condiments we add to embellish
A naked frank…to enhance its flavor
Before we take a bite and savor
A luscious link in a toasted bun.
BUT
Don’t filch a frank when armed with a gun—
And eat it sloppily on the run.
Don’t be a gluttonous simpleton.
Don’t let that yellow mustard splatter.
Stealing dogs is a serious matter!
Before you grab that tasty wurst
Make sure you have a napkin first.
THEN
Tuck it under your chin and eat
And try to avoid the cop on the beat.

Paean to a Bovine Beauty

From Jonathan Turley’s blog (September 24, 2009):
In Defense of Man-Cow Relations: New Jersey Judge Drops Charges Against Police Officer for Having Sex with Cows On the Grounds That They May Have Enjoyed It

Some true stories are just so bizarre that they inspire me to write poetry.


Paean to a Bovine Beauty

I’m in love, I’m in love
With a creature divine…
A ruminant fair.
How I wish she were mine.
She’s a sweet, lowing voice.
She’s got limpid brown eyes.
She swishes her sleek tail
At hovering flies.
She’s a beauteous bovine,
A cow of great charm.
I’ve been trying to court her
Out here on the farm.

God, the Goalpost, and Gimme Scriptures: A Double Dactyl

I’m a big fan of Law Professor Jonathan Turley’s blog. Turley posts some very interesting stories. Some of the stories even inspire me to write poetry. After reading the following post at his blog, I wrote a double dactyl—which you’ll find at the bottom of this post.

From Jonathan Turley’s Blog (October 12, 2009): Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the Goal Post of Life: School Board to Meet on Christian Cheerleader Controversy:


This week, the Catoosa County School Board in Ringgold, Georgia will meet on a controversy over the cheerleaders of Georgia’s Lakeview-Fort Oglethorpe High School who use Biblical verses as part of their displays to root for the football team to “commit to the Lord” and “take courage and do it.”

You can read the rest of the post here.


Here’s more on the story from AOL News: Bible Banned From School Football Field. (It includes a video of townspeople angered by the Bible banning decision.)


God, the Goalpost, and Gimme Scriptures:
A Double Dactyl for the Folks at Lakeview-Fort Oglethorpe High School
by Elaine Magliaro

Higgledy piggledy
Biblical verses
Help us to cheer on
Our team in a game.

God’s “up there” watching
Our fullbacks and tackles.
So if we’re defeated,
The Big Guy’s to blame.