Tuesday, October 20, 2009

A Poem about the Conservative Bible Project

From the New York Daily News (10/06/09): Conservapedia.com's Conservative Bible Project aims to deliberalize the bible

Forget attacking liberal bias in Hollywood or in the media. One group says it's the Bible that's gotten too progressive.

The Conservative Bible Project is leading the charge to deliberalize the Bible by using a Wikipedia-like Web site to correct what it calls "errors in conveying biblical meaning."

Those errors are a "lack of precision in the original language, such as terms underdeveloped to convey new concepts introduced by Christ," "lack of precision in modern language" and "translation bias in converting the original language to the modern one."

On its Web site - which is emblazoned with an Old Glory logo above the words "The Trustworthy Encyclopedia" - the group is seeking to create a fully conservative translation of the Bible that follows 10 commandments, er, guidelines.

A Poem about the Conservative Bible Project
by Elaine Magliaro

The Bible’s way too liberal—
And nothing could be worse.
Let’s go rewrite the holy book—
Each chapter, line and verse.

We’ll tell the stories “our way”—
Toss out the liberal bias—
The way the good Lord wants us to.
The devil can’t deny us.

We’ll include free market parables,
Excise the stuff we hate,
Avoid gender inclusive language
That can emasculate

The Great Book that we live by.
We’ll write the stories “right”—
Translate them “fundamentally”
To conservatives’ delight.


From Conservapedia: As of 2009, there is no fully conservative translation of the Bible which satisfies the following ten guidelines:[2]

1. Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias

2. Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity

3. Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level[3]

4. Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms: using powerful new conservative terms as they develop;[4] defective translations use the word "comrade" three times as often as "volunteer"; similarly, updating words which have a change in meaning, such as "word", "peace", and "miracle".

5. Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction by using modern terms for it, such as "gamble" rather than "cast lots";[5] using modern political terms, such as "register" rather than "enroll" for the census

6. Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil.

7. Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning

8. Exclude Later-Inserted Liberal Passages: excluding the later-inserted liberal passages that are not authentic, such as the adulteress story

9. Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness, often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels

10. Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities; prefer concise, consistent use of the word "Lord" rather than "Jehovah" or "Yahweh" or "Lord God."


  1. OH. MY. WORD.
    Did these eejits miss the whole point of the Protestant Reformation??? Oh, let's don't get me started.

    Once again, I'm absolutely TERRIFIED of the fools you unearth in these poems.

  2. Tanita,

    I'm retired. I have plenty of time on my hands to unearth these types of eejits. And to write about them too!

  3. Elaine -- THIS. IS. EVEN. SCARIER.

    Honestly, what it is about October that brings out the crazies?

  4. Tanita,

    I hadn't heard this story. Thanks for the link. Things are getting scarier and scarier for sure.
    Onward to "Farhrenheit 451."

  5. This is interesting. Though, I would point out that there are folks on the left AND the right that would take the Bible and "adjust it" in order make it work with their own worldview.

  6. Rebecca,

    I agree. One can probably find proof that supports a particular worldview just by carefully selecting excerpts from the Bible to prove one's point.

    But as far as I know, no liberal, libertarian, socialist, or other political group has recently undertaken a project to rewrite the Bible according to its worldview.