Rush and the Pussy-Cat: A Limbaughrhyme

From MediaMatters: Limbaugh said he learned about women from his cat, which "gets loved," "petted," and "fed" and "doesn't have to do anything for it"

On the November 30 edition of his nationally syndicated radio show, host Rush Limbaugh proclaimed: My "cat's taught me more about women, than anything my whole life" because his pet cat "comes to me when she wants to be fed," and "[s]he's smart enough to know she can't feed herself. She's actually [a] very smart cat. She gets loved. She gets adoration. She gets petted. She gets fed. And she doesn't have to do anything for it." Limbaugh has previously stated, on the March 1, 2005, edition of his show, that "[w]omen still live longer than men because their lives are easier"; on January 10, he suggested that some women "would love to be hired as eye candy."

You can read the rest of this article here.

Here is my parody of Edward Lear's famous poem The Owl and the Pussy-Cat. In my version, Rush Limbaugh substitutes for "the owl."

Rush and the Pussy-Cat
(With apologies to Edward Lear)
By Elaine Magliaro

Rush and his Pussy-Cat went to sea
In a humongous pea-green boat.
They took some victuals and plenty of Skittles
Zipped up in big blue tote.
Rush looked up to the stars above
And croaked like frog in heat:
“O lovely pussy, O Pussy, my pet
What a purr-fect little pussy! You’re sweet,
So sweet!
What a purr-fect little pussy! Let’s eat!!!”

Pussy said to her master, “Can we sail a little faster?
I’d like to reach land by dawn.
You’ve got ketchup on your chinny and you’re talking like a ninny.
Will you stop wolfing down all my prawn!”
So they sailed away and decided to stay
On an isle that served endless buffets.
And there on the sand—a roast beef in his hand—
Rush settled in chartreuse-colored chaise,
A chaise.
Rush settled in a chartreuse-colored chaise.

“Rush, are you still eating?” purr-fect pussy started bleating.
“You will never EVER stop, I fear!”
He ignored her plaintive pleas as he ate a plate of cheese
And he guzzled down a gallon stein of beer.
Then he crunched a bag of chips and he smacked his lusty lips.
Next, he started scarfing down some cassoulet.
Oh, he kept on masticating. It was SO intoxicating
He cried, “Pussy, will you marry me today,
today?!”
He cried, “Pussy, will you marry me today?!”

Pussy rolled her feline eyes and began to vocalize
Her reasons for not wanting to be wed.
“Oh, I know you think I’m dandy. I don’t want to be eye candy—
But respected for the brains inside my head.”
She then stood on her hind paws and she showed her pointed claws.
“I'm a female who wants so much more from life.
So your offer I’ll decline—and I hope that you won’t whine.
Rush, I cannot be your sweet submissive wife,
Your wife.
I just cannot be your sweet submissive wife.”

***************

At Wild Rose Reader, I have Things to Do If You Are a Pencil, an original poem that’s included in Falling Down the Page: A Book of List Poems, a new anthology edited by Georgia Heard.

At Blue Rose Girls, I have a post about Magnetic Poetry and a poem I composed using one of the kits at the magnetic Poetry site. (Thanks to Cloudscome for her Magnetic Poetry post last Friday.)

Julie Larios has the Poetry Friday Roundup at The Drift Record.