Extended Engagement: A Poem by J. Patrick Lewis

Here's a poem by J. Patrick Lewis for the final day of National Poetry Month!

Extended Engagement

We dated during Harry Truman’s reign,

Through Ike, Dick, Jimmy, Ronnie, Bill and Bush—

And we got married yesterday! My cane

Lovingly gave her wheelchair a push.

Here are links to other poems by J. Patrick Lewis that I posted previously at Political Verses:

• Henry K., Man of Peace: A Poem by J. Patrick Lewis
• Poem at the End of the Twentieth Century by J. Patrick Lewis
• A Poem about George Stephanopoulos by J. Patrick Lewis
• This Be the Verse: It Doesn't Matter What You Do

I send my thanks and heartfelt appreciation to Pat Lewis for granting me permission to post his poems here at my blog.

Bye-bye, Bybee

Jay Bybee: The Man Behind Waterboarding (By Randy James—Time, April 28, 2009)

Jay Bybee has been called the "forgotten man" in the mounting furor over the CIA's harsh interrogation of imprisoned terror suspects — but he's quickly assuming a leading role. Though the mild-mannered lawyer has attracted little public attention, as a top Justice Department official he approved an array of so-called "enhanced interrogation techniques" against alleged al-Qaeda members that many observers call torture. They include forcing prisoners to stay awake for a week or more, waterboarding them and trapping them with an insect to exploit their fear of bugs.


Bye-bye, Bybee

Bye-bye, Bybee—
You so-and so—
It’s time you were benched.
It’s time to go.

Return your robe—
And your gavel, too!
Judgment day is here
For you and Yoo.

You and Yoo,
The infamous two
From the OLC—
The lawyers who

Used tortured logic
And legalese
To circumvent laws…
Two corroborees

Who defined techniques
For interrogation
(Enhanced AND sadistic)
With specification.

You think you did it
For the good of our nation?
You think there truly
Is justification

For waterboarding…
Other tortures as well?
YOU’RE a rotten thing in Denmark
And you’re starting to smell!


FYI
Bybee’s ‘remoteness from the actual torturers’ increases his ‘degree of responsibility.’ (Think Progress—4/27/09)

Jon Eisenberg, one of the lawyers who is representing the plaintiffs in a case challenging Bush's warrantless wiretapping program, writes in the Philadephia Inquirer today that Jay Bybee’s “remoteness from the actual torturers increases his degree of responsibility”:

Bybee did not write the torture memo he signed; it was written by John Yoo, then at the Department of Justice's Office of Legal Counsel and currently a law school professor who writes a monthly column for The Inquirer. Bybee just signed off on the memo, two desks removed from the torture chamber. Did he even read it? He must have. Did he think much about it? How could he have, and then signed such an abhorrent thing? This is evil thoughtlessness. […]


Bybee defends his torture memos as ‘legally correct’ and ‘a good-faith analysis of the law.’ (Think Progress—4/29/09)

Judge Jay Bybee finally "broke his silence" and talked to the New York Times about his legal memos which authorized torture. This past weekend, the Washington Post quoted anonymous friends of Bybee claiming that Bybee was apologetic for authoring the memos. Speaking for himself, Bybee said that's not the case:

[H]e said: “The central question for lawyers was a narrow one; locate, under the statutory definition, the thin line between harsh treatment of a high-ranking Al Qaeda terrorist that is not torture and harsh treatment that is. I believed at the time, and continue

The Winner This Week is...

Mary Lee Hahn of A Year of Reading is the lucky winner of Once Upon a Tomb: Gravely Humorous Verses, which was written by J. Patrick Lewis and illustrated by Simon Bartram. If you haven’t read this poetry book yet, Mary Lee, you’re in for a treat—and lots of chuckles!

Here is the schedule for the upcoming drawings at Wild Rose Reader and Political Verses.

May 1st—for comments left on posts dated April 26-30

The winner of the drawing that will take place on May 1st will receive a copy of The Best of Ogden Nash.

Find out who won copies of Birds on a Wire and What Can you Do with an Old Red Shoe? over at Wild Rose Reader.

Knock, Knock, Knockin' on Heaven's Door: John Yoo at the Pearly Gates

FYI

Yoo Torture Memo Says Fourth Amendment Doesn't Apply in War on Terror (Wired)
John Yoo is sorry for nothing (Salon.com)

Knock Knock Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door: John Yoo at the Pearly Gates

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Halloo! It’s Yoo!
Yoo Who?
John Yoo. That’s who.
The Yoo who wrote the torture memo?
THAT Yoo!
Yes, it’s THAT Yoo. That’s true.
You, Yoo, cannot come in. Shoo, Yoo,
Head to hell where you’ll get your due!

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Boohoo! Boohoo!
I beg your pardon. Boo…Who?
It’s Yoo—not Boo! Sorry…I was feeling blue.
Now open the gate and let me through!
As I recall, I bid YOU adieu.
Now go to hell like I told you to.

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
It’s me. It’s Yoo.
Let me in or I’ll make a great big hullabaloo!
Pooh, Yoo, you’ve done some things that you should rue.
Now it’s time to sit and stew.
The devil said you’re overdue!
Let me in. I’m begging you!
Sorry, Yoo—no can do.
It’s time for you to barbecue
Down with the fire and brimstone crew.
Adieu. Toodle-oo. Don’t come back. SCREW, Yoo!


Earlier This Week at Political Verses
The Cows Caused It: A Poem about Global Warming
This Be the Verse: It Doesn't Matter What You Do (A Poem by J. Patrick Lewis)

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• My post at Wild Rose Reader, Poetry Friday: Animal Haiku, includes reviews of four books of haiku about animals.
• At Blue Rose Girls today: Opposite Poems--Part 2
• The Poetry Friday Roundup is at Under the Covers this week.

This Be the Verse: It Doesn't Matter What You Do

I have two poems for you today--one by Philip Larkin and one by J. Patrick Lewis

This Be the Verse
by Philip Larkin

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

You can read the rest of Larkin’s poem here.

About Philip Larkin

• You can read out about poet Philip Larkin and find links to some of his poems here.
• Not just about your mum and dad (An article about Philip Larkin by Joshua Weiner)
  
  

  J. Patrick Lewis

Here is a poem by J. Patrick Lewis—written in the style of This Be the Verse:

It Doesn’t Matter What You Do
After Philip Larkin

by J. Patrick Lewis

You fuck them up, your girl and boy.
It doesn’t matter what you do.
The latest theories you employ
Will make them flaming assholes, too.

And then, to maximize despair,
Greedy daughters and selfish sons
Repay your fine parental care
By breeding Young Republicans.

The Cows Caused It: A Poem about Global Warming

It's a good thing there are folks like Rep. Dana Rohrabacher of California and Rep. John Boehner of Ohio around to help shed light on who the worst producers of greenhouse gases may be. Who knew it was the flatulence of dinosuars and cows that may have caused climatic changes on planet Earth?

FYI: Some News Links

• Rep. Rohrabacher: Global Warming May Have Been Caused By ‘Dinosaur Flatulence’
• Boehner Cites Cow Farts To Downplay Global Warming (VIDEO)
• Cow Farts: Global Warmers or a Load of Hot Air?
• Cow farts collected in plastic tank for global warming study
• Scientists study cow farts in an attempt to reduce greenhouse gas emissions

On the Flatulence of Cows and Global Warming

The dinosaurs farted.
And now it’s the cows—
Whose anal emissions
Waft into the air
Increasing the greenhouse
Gases “up there.”
In blissful abandon
Cows graze on green grass,
Mooing and chewing
And chewing and pooing—
All the while strewing
Brown pies everywhere.

These flatulent bovines…
These cud masticators…
Digestive polluters …
Toxic gas generators…
These methane producers
Seem harmless and charming.
But I’ve got the scoop—
On the cows and their poop:
They’re the primary cause
Of Earth’s global warming.

This Week's Winner Is...

Mary Lee Hahn of A Year of Reading is the lucky winner of American Wits: An Anthology of Light Verse edited by John Hollander. I have little doubt that Mary Lee will enjoy this compilation of works by Arthur Guiterman, Robert Frost, Don Marquis, Morris Bishop, Ogden Nash, E. B. White, Phyllis McGinley, W. H. Auden, David McCord, Dorothy Parker, and poets.

Here is the schedule for the upcoming drawings at Wild Rose Reader and Political Verses.

• April 26th—for comments left on posts dated April 19-25
• May 1st—for comments left on posts dated April 26-30
  

The winner of the drawing that takes place on April 26th will receive a copy of Once Upon a Tomb: Gravely Humorous Verse, which was written by J. Patrick Lewis and illustrated by Simon Bartram. This is a book of poems and pictures sure to tickle the funny bones of children and adults alike.

Find out who won a copy of Joyce Sidman's Red Sings from Treetops: A Year in Colors over at Wild Rose Reader.

Bill O. the Bully & Amanda Terkel

Huffington Post: O'Reilly Producer Stalks Amanda Terkel: THE VIDEO

Think Progress: I Was Followed, Harassed, And Ambushed By Bill O’Reilly’s Producer


Bill O. the Bully & Amanda Terkel

Amanda had an enemy.
His voice was loud and gruff.
He liked to spout off on TV…
To swagger and act tough.

He sent his henchman out one day
To follow poor Amanda…
To ambush her and make a film
To use as propaganda

On his nighttime TV show
He calls the “No Spin Zone”—
Wherein the blowhard blusters
Through his mouthy megaphone

And spins the news to meet his needs
With spiderly exaction—
He Who Can’t Be Criticized—
FOX channel’s star attraction.

Amanda Terkel is Deputy Research Director at the Center for American Progress and serves as Managing Editor for The Progress Report and ThinkProgress.org at the Center for American Progress.

Gasbag: A Limbaughrhyme

GASBAG

OxyContin
Pudding and pie
Rush popped five pills
And went sky high.

He floated
In the stratosphere
Like the Goodyear blimp,
A gaseous sermoneer,

An incendiary
Doctrinaire
Spouting racist talk—
And full of hot air!

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At Wild Rose Reader today--Red Sings from Treetops: A Book Review & An Invitation

At Blue Rose Girls today: POETRY FRIDAY: Opposite Poems

The Poetry Friday Roundup is at Becky’s Book Reviews this week.

Teatime for Sean Hannity: A Double Dactyl

Thanks to some loony right wingers who have planned a tax protest against Obama, I now know the definition of the term “teabagging.” I was clueless as to what it meant when I first heard clips of folks like Sean Hannity using the term on FOX and when I read news about the planned “teabagging” of the White House on the Internet. Well, now I know what “teabagging” means. Can’t say I was excited to add that new term to my vocabulary. I can guarantee you this: I will NEVER use it in polite company. Heck, don’t think I’ll ever find the need to use it!

Here’s my double dactyl about Sean Hannity who has been one of the folks on FOX who’s been promoting the Tea Bag Parties planned for April 15th. He’ll be down in Georgia today to participate in a “teabagging” celebration in Atlanta. I hope he remembers it's BYOB (Bring Your Own Bag).


Higgledy-piggledy
Sean (Moron) Hannity
Proves he’s an idiot
Nightly on FOX...

Blathers 'bout teabagging
Parties and taxes. He's
Totally (scrotally)
Dumb as an ox.


From ThinkProgress: FreedomWorks Orchestrates ‘Grassroots’ Movements To Serve Dick Armey’s Corporate Clients

Some Videos for You from Countdown & The Rachel Maddow Show
David Shuster: GOP "Going Nuts" For Teabagging, But They "Need A Dick Armey"
Olbermann clobbers Fox sponsorship of tea bag parties
"Tea Bagging" Rallies Ruthlessly Mocked On Maddow Show

And the Winner This Week Is...

Vivian Mahoney of HipWriterMama is the lucky winner of The World’s Greatest: Poems, J. Patrick Lewis’s wonderful book of light verse.

Note to Vivian: Please email me your address!


Here is the schedule for the upcoming drawings at Wild Rose Reader and Political Verses.

April 19th—for comments left on posts dated April 12-18
April 26th—for comments left on posts dated April 19-25
May 1st—for comments left on posts dated April 26-30


The winner’s of the drawing that takes place on April 19th will receive a copy of American Wits: An Anthology of Light Verse edited by John Hollander. The book includes works by Arthur Guiterman, Robert Frost, Don Marquis, Morris Bishop, Ogden Nash, E. B. White, Phyllis McGinley, W. H. Auden, David McCord, Dorothy Parker, and poets.


Find out who won a copy of Douglas Florian’s delightful new collections of poems Dinothesaurus aver at Wild Rose Reader.

Potent Political Pottage a la Shakespeare

Stewing Brew: A Macbethian Melange

or

Pelosi's Pot-au-Pooh-Poohers

by Elaine Magliaro

Round about the cauldron go:
In the pompous lard butt throw.
Rush the bilious radio host—
That’s what needs to cook the most.
In the brimstone broth immersed—
Limbaugh, Limbaugh! Be he first.

Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire blaze and cauldron bubble.
Kidney of E. Cantor stew
In the cauldron. Boil and brew:
Eye of Newt and nose of Steele,
Foot of Bachmann—toes and heel,
Malkins' tongue and Coulter’s snort,
Boehner’s bellybutton wart.
For a charm of potent trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.

Double, double GOP trouble:
The party’s one big heap of rubble—
A fate that doesn’t seem so tragic
To conjurers of liberal magic.

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The Poetry Friday Roundup is at Carol’s Corner this week.

A Poem about George Stephanopoulos by J. Patrick Lewis

Today, I have another poem for you written by one of my favorite children'spoets--J. Patrick Lewis.

J. Patrick Lewis

George

By J. Patrick Lewis

Psychophant sycophant
George Stephanopoulos
Traded dark secrets at
Washington’s door.

Now, for the love of those
Mediamegabucks,
Look who the little pimp’s
Calling a whore.

Reminder: I'll be giving away a copy of The World's Greatest: Poems, one of J. Patrick Lewis's books of light verse, as a poetry prize for the second week of National Poetry Month. All you have to do to be eligible for Sunday's drawing is to leave a comment at one of my posts dated April 5-11.

The World’s Greatest: Poems

Written by J.Patrick Lewis & Illustrated by Keith Graves

Dickie & the Death Squad

DEATH SQUAD

Dick Cheney knew of a secret squad
That did assassinations.
It got the A-OK from him
And flew to foreign nations
To knock off people Dick agreed
Should not be sucking air—
While Dick the Diabolical
Stayed hidden in his lair,
A musky room deep in the earth
Away from prying eyes
Of congressmen and senators—
And also Google spies.


From AlterNet (March 31, 2009): Seymour Hersh: Secret U.S. Forces Carried Out Assassinations in 'a Lot of' Countries, Including in Latin America by Amy Goodman, Democracy Now

From MinnPost.com (March 11, 2009): Investigative reporter Seymour Hersh describes 'executive assassination ring' by Eric Black

From Wired’s Danger Room (July 23, 2008): Why is Google Earth Hiding Dick Cheney's House?

The World's Greatest: A Poetry Prize

Here’s the scoop for those of you who would like to know what book of light verse I’ll be giving away as a prize for the second week of National Poetry Month at Political Verses. This is the book!

The World’s Greatest: Poems
Written by J.Patrick Lewis
Illustrated by Keith Graves
Chronicle Books, 2008

Here’s an excerpt from my Wild Rose Reader review of the book:

This collection of “record-breaking” poetry is fun to read. A master of light verse, J. Patrick Lewis proves himself adept at taking factual information and writing about it with wry humor and the clever turn of phrase. These “greatest” poems are written in a variety of forms, including limerick, acrostic, and concrete poetry. Although not of historic importance, the subjects Lewis selected to write about in his rhythmic and rhyming (with one exception) poems would most likely be of interest to young readers...and listeners.

Here’s a link to my review of this topnotch book of poetry for kids—and for anyone else who enjoys reading light verse written by a master of the genre: The World's Greatest: Poems--A Book Review.

My review includes two of the clever verses included in Lewis’s book—The Longest Traffic Jam and The Largest Mantle of Bees.

NOTE: All you have to do to be eligible for next Sunday’s drawing is to leave a comment at one of my Political Verses posts dated April 5-11!

ANOTHER NOTE: Read the following post to find out what children’s poetry book I’ll be giving away at Wild Rose Reader as a prize for the second week of National Poetry Month: A Prehistoric Poetry Prize!

Bill O.: A Rhyming Rant about Bill O'Reilly

Bill O.

Bill O., Bill O., Bill O’Reilly
Thinks he’s savvy, brilliant, wily…
Thinks his TV program rocks
'Cause he’s the ratings king at Fox!

He’s a blowhard; he's dogmatic.
His verbal cancer’s metastatic!
Bill O. likes to sputter, rant—
But when he’s wrong, he won’t recant.

Bill’s his own best adulator.
He's a pompous bloviator...
A smarmy, smug intimidator…
A nasty, vile expectorator
Of speech that’s meant to anger, rile.
He’s one great big bag of bile!!!



From Think Progress (March 23, 2009): I Was Followed, Harassed, And Ambushed By Bill O’Reilly’s Producer by Amanda Terkel


From the Baltimore Chronicle & Sentinel (March 23, 2009): O’Reilly Ambushes His Latest Critic
Excerpt: Fox News host Bill O'Reilly (O'Reilly Factor, 3/23/08) recently aired the results of his latest ambush-style interview, which targeted Think Progress blog editor Amanda Terkel. Terkel had dared to point out that O'Reilly, who was invited to speak at a fundraiser for a foundation for rape survivors, had previously suggested that a "moronic" rape/murder victim had invited assault by her drinking and the way she was dressed.


Edited to Add:
John Cleese inspired by plight of Bill O'Reilly (On Countdown with Keith Olbermann)

Here’s an excerpt from Cleese’s poem:

Bill O'Reilly's No Spin Zone is rated highly
by his own beloved mother,
but no other.

Except that Bill for all his faults
still has one skill, a skill of sort:
He can amuse a true dull ox,
the dullest crayon in the box,
the kind of ox that watches Fox.

And the Winners Are...

Mary Lee of A Year of Reading is the lucky winner of Deciding the Next Decider: The 2008 Presidential Race in Rhyme—and Tricia of The Miss Rumphius Effect is the lucky winner of J. Patrick Lewis’s The Underwear Salesman and Other Jobs for Better or Verse.

Remember, all you have to do to be eligible for a poetry book prize from Wild Rose Reader or Political Verses is to leave a comment at one of my posts at either blog.

Here is the schedule for the upcoming drawings at Wild Rose Reader and Political Verses.

• April 12th—for comments left on posts dated April 5-11
• April 19th—for comments left on posts dated April 12-18
• April 26th—for comments left on posts dated April 19-25
• May 1st—for comments left on posts dated April 26-30
  

I have announced the winner of Falling Down the Page: A Book of List Poems edited by Georgia Heard over at Wild Rose Reader in this post: And the Winner Is…

NOTE to Mary Lee & Tricia: Please email me your addresses.

Poem at the End of the Twentieth Century by J. Patrick Lewis

For this first Poetry Friday during National Poetry Month, I’m featuring another poem by J. Patrick Lewis, a prolific author of children’s poetry books and an accomplished writer of light verse for adults.

J. Patrick Lewis

Poem at the End of the Twentieth Century
By J. Patrick Lewis

1
All the clowns have changed their faces,
Fortune-teller’s closed her booth,
While the hucksters scalp fake tickets
To the Circus of Untruth.
Cadill-acrobats are tumbling
Through ambition’s ragged nets,
Greedy elephants are crumbling
Like those plaster statuettes.
Underneath the Big Top, preachers
Stuff their cant inside their can.
Get your own cut-rate redemption—
This siecle’s hit the fin.

2
They’ve unpacked their jackboot morals
To a melody by Strauss.
Who’s for pinning hoary laurels
On the Speaker of the House?
Mrs. Citizen, they owe you. . .
What? A fool-proof guarantee?
Watch the flim-flam man, he’ll show you
How you iron irony.
Nothing looks like Edward Hopper,
Nothing feels like Gauguin,
Dream’s about to come a cropper—
This siecle’s hit the fin.

3
Give them the tired, the poor and jaded
Suppositions you believe—
Slick magicians sticking your im-
agination up their sleeves.
Posh impostors deal conviction
From the bottom of the deck.
That’s the truth and truth is fiction
Lately running neck and neck.
Cops’ll beat you, think it’s funny.
Kids’ll steal your pension plan.
What else is there, man, but money?
This siecle’s hit the fin.


[From JPL: “This siecle’s hit the fin” is a play
on the French phrase, fin de siecle. This
poem first appeared in LIGHT QUARTERLY,
Spring 2000 in slightly different form. All
rights are mine. JPL]

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At Wild Rose Reader, I have an extensive post about mask poems. It includes four of my original poems, mask poems written by my former students, and book recommendations.

At Blue Rose Girls, I have a second post about Magnetic Poetry, which includes poems composed online by Mary Lee of A Year of Reading, Pam Coughlan of Mother Reader, Meghan McCarthy of the Blue Rose Girls, and me.

Amy Planchak Graves has the Poetry Friday Roundup at ayuddha.net.

A Terse Verse about Rush Limbaugh

Just when one thinks that the despicable Rush Limbaugh has gone as far as one can go in insulting a world leader with incendiary rhetoric—he sputters something so offensive that I won't print it here. Read this piece written by Jason Linkins for The Huffington Post (April 1, 2009) if you don’t believe me.

I have a short rhyming verse for you today--a couplet about Limbaugh, the bloated, bloviating blowhard who sometimes refers to himself as Rushbo. Someone should muzzle that blustering bozo!!!


A Couplet about Rush Limbaugh

A pompous, porcine bag of gas.
I tell myself—this, too, shall pass.